#22-THINGS I LEARNED THE HARD WAY

(REMINDER: the giveaway ends on February 28th at midnight - see #117 on 2/1 for details)


For those of you recently following, this is a reprint of an earlier post (with some graphic modifications)


Originally I started out hoping I could of think of ten STUPID things I have done during my lifetime.  Unfortunately, these twenty are just the tip of the iceberg!

  1.   Don’t step up on a tall step (especially when you have to pee). 

  2.   Check out which way the staples come out of a staple gun before

        you use it (or you can staple your work glove to your palm = See #38, What a Maroon!). 

Woops. wrong hand!

  3.   Don’t carry a ladder through a room with a ceiling fan (at least not upright).

  4.   Don’t try to fry eggs on your daughter's glass stove top (she has a mean left hook).

  5.   Speaking of eggs.  Don’t boil eggs in the microwave, either (Ka-pow!).

  6.   Don’t touch the drill bit right after you use it (unless you like pain).

This house was cut
in half by a maniac
wielding a circular saw

  7.   Circular saws can cut through sawhorses (and lots of other GOOD stuff).

  8.   Lawnmowers can throw a rock against a tree so hard that the rock can ricochet off

        (and hit you in the head). 

  9.   But, even more important, lawnmower blades can chop up grass shears 

        (and shoot them out the side as lethal projectiles - just ask my cat).

10.  A tarantula bite feels like a bee sting (and visa versa).

11.  Metal canoes can be bent in half (try not to be in them when they do).

12.  Don’t make a swimsuit out of terry cloth (think about it).

13.  It's the gasoline vapors that ignite (in a big flash) not the liquid gass.
14.  Eyebrows can be burned off by ignited gasoline vapor (also eyelashes and the paper you are holding in your hand).

15.  You can’t paper train a male dog, (unless you also hang a paper on the wall).

16.  And while I am on the subject of pets, no matter how hard you try you can't get a cat to

       blow its nose (but trying to do so can teach them how to blow their cool).

17.  Copper bottom pans can melt off onto the burner (if you get them hot enough).

18.  Also, skillets are no good after they catch on fire (at least they stick like crazy).

19.  Paper plates don’t fare well in the dishwasher (they kind of clog up the works...don't ask).

20.  Don’t stand on the front porch and watch electricity, from lightening, travel up the wet sidewalk toward you (unless you want an electrifying experience).

Yes!  I have first hand experience with EVERY one.


Since spring is on the horizon and,  many projects are being planned, I am SURE there will be a part 2 coming soon. 
ALSO, THERE IS A STORY ABOUT THE TATTOO ON SATURDAY (#142) AND BEING MUGGED IS  COMMING UP ON MONDAY (#144)

kt 2010

#27 - "LITTLE TURTLE"

My granddaughter Kallie  (pronounced Kay-Lee, who is now 21) was the most adorable little kid you would ever want to know.  She was funny and loving and oh so very cute.  Her giggle would make anyone laugh, and her eyes always sparkled with joy.

One time, when she was about 8 or 9, she spent the night and I didn’t have an extra bed for her.   So, I folded out an aluminum cot.  It was going to be a cold night and I wanted to be sure that she was warm enough so I extricated a sleeping bag from my camping gear.

When asleep, Kallie would spin like a top.  That is why she wasn’t about to sleep with me.  I learned the hard way that a foot and the back of a hand thrown wildly over my face was a definite hazzard.  However, since she was such a wild one when asleep, I decided I needed to bungee chord the sleeping bag to the cot.  She was short so I just tied one at the foot and then put one over the top part that was underneath her and zipped the puppy up.

In the middle of the night, nature called.  I walked into the adjoining room where Kallie was sleeping and almost made the nature call right then and there.  A small night light was illuminating the following scene:  Little Kallie was laying face down on the floor. Her delicate hands hands were laced sweetly under her chin.  She had the Aluminum cot strapped to her back and was SOUND ASLEEP! 

I grabbed for my camera…..but RATS, no film!  So, I stood there (with my knees together) and laughed while I watched her sleeping peacefully.   After attending to my business, I picked her (and the bed) up, righting them both at the same time.  Before, I went back to bed I undid the chords so as not to repeat the incident.

The next morning I told her about her sleeping arrangement and we both laughed.  I told her that I was now going to call her my LITTLE TURTLE.


kt2010