#142/#144-A MAIDEN VOYAGE aka THE TATTOO VIRGIN

(1/26/11 @ 1:PM) THOSE DARNED POLTERGEISTS STRUCK AGAIN!  WHEN I FINALLY CHECKED AT 1:00 PM THIS ONE HADN'T POSTED.  I SO WANTED EVERYONE TO GET TO SEE MY TATTOO. THAT MADE ME DECIDED TO POST THIS AGAIN ON THE 28TH!  kt
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(1/27/11 @ 5PM) OK, NOW THIS HAS TO STOP!  I JUST CHECKED MY BLOG AND THERE WAS MY TATTOO POST.  NEXT, I CHECKED THE SCHEDULED DATE AND IT READS 1/28/11...6AM...  BELIEVE ME I AM GOING TO HAVE TO HAVE AN EXERCISM (EVEN THOUGHT I'M NOT CATHOLIC) BECAUSE THIS REALLY PISSES TICKS ME OFF! (I'M PUTTING IT BACK ON THE 28TH!) kt
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Well, I said I was going to get a tattoo on my 70th birthday.  But, it didn't work out that day.  You see, February 4th was the day after the biggest snow story of the quarter century hit Missouri and the Slippery Monkey (the tattoo parlor) was closed.  In fact, even McDonalds was closed (now that's some snow storm).

This is what the road to his place looked like (well, kind of).

And to yourself you said, "Wait a minute.  Run that name by me again." You read it right.  SLIPPERY MONKEY (as in the monkey on your back).  According to Helpme.com (and an article I found there) the mind is a tree and in this tree there is a monkey and a bird.  From Walt Whitman's Song of Myself,  "The monkey, called the slippery monkey, races about, chattering constantly. If one can silence the monkey then the bird sings."..."By stilling the slippery monkey and hearing the song of the bird one gains enlightenment shedding the ego in order to attain enlightenment in Buddhism."  Other sites refer to the slipping the monkey of addiction off one's back. (See, one can get a classical education reading my blog.)

This is his logo!  That monkey looks more mad then slippery.

Any way when I googled Slippery Monkey, I came up with well over 10 sites about this particular tattoo business in my home town.   

So, a week before my tattoo, I went in, talked with the owner, and picked out my tattoo. 

The owner, Harold, looked like he just jumped off a chopper on his way back from Woodstock.  But, what surprised me is that he is a very conservative man with strong moral values.  You see, I am not immune to stereotyping either (although I thought I was). 

I asked Harold if I should take something for the pain.  His response was, "Take a couple of aspirins or a shot of tequila."  I shuttered to think of what I might choose to do if Tequila were introduced into the mix.  So, I opted for Tylenol.

And, this is Harold!  I put life and LIMB (literally) in his hands.

Over a week later, Harold had the parking lot cleared and I ventured into the devils den (according to some of the people in my church).  Undaunted, I popped up into the chair and offered him my right ankle.  He described the THOUSANDS of needle pricks that would be necessary as he proceeded to prepare his pallet of needles.  He poured what looked like poster paint into little tubs that fit onto the needles.  He looked at me over his GLASSES and said, "Well?"  Totally unfazed by the lecture and the sight of the six or so needles I said, "Go for it!"  Not too original, I know, but that is all I could come up with.  I was busy thinking, "Mannnnnn, this is gonna hurt!"

Harold's mouth (and needles) never stopped moving the entire time.

But, to my surprise, it didn't hurt at all!  Not that it really mattered because I was determined to get this done even if I had to bite down on a tree limb.  It kind of stung once in a while but, Harold kept me busy listening to his continuous running commentary on everything from the environment to teenagers today.


Now, I am the proud wearer of my first (and probably last) tattoo.  However, my shoulder would look cute with a small butterfly on it....(I'll save that for my 80th birthday).


I did think about covering all my wrinkles with tattoos, but then I would look something like the Illustrated Man Woman.  No, don't think that would go over too well in this small town.  


When my daughter showed my nine year old granddaughter my tattoo, Shay said, "THAT'S CRAZY."  Well, maybe  it is, and maybe I am but, I have definitely decided that I AM going to do some of the things I have always wanted to do.  As I said before, my new mantra is, "Adventure Before Dementia"(after this tattoo some people think I am already too late).


Oh, I almost forgot did you want to see it?????  

Now I don't even have to shave...keen, huh!
at least I won't have to shave as often!

OK...OK....HERE IT IS:

See how tame this looks after showing you the first one.
Smart huh!

kt 2/2011

#143-SUNDAY'S SONG (Homesick)

I AM LISTENING TO THIS SONG AS I WRITE.  I AM AT THE AGE THAT MOST OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS HAVE PASSED ON.  THIS SONG EXPRESSES MY DESIRE TO SEE MY LOVED ONES AGAIN.  kt 2/2011

#140-THURSDAY'S THERAPY (Cavorting Carpet #97)

(REMINDER: the giveaway ends on February 28th at midnight - see #117 on 2/1 for details)

I love reading people's comments.  Therefore, I have decided to pick a comment each Thursday to post.  Of course this will fall FLAT if you guys aren't making comments!  This is no longer an issue.  In fact, I have so many wonderful comments to choose from that I am having a hard time keeping up.  THANK YOU!  ALL OF YOU! 

(And yet another change.  I decided to rename this meme THURSDAY'S THERAPY because I consider this blog to be therapy for me.  It is your comments that keep me going!  Also, since I have been getting so many comments I am going to do several of the comments on a particular post.)

To #97-RUNAWAY RUG aka CAVORTING CARPET

"I HAVE A TRAVELING RUG AND IT IS MOVING SLOWLY TO THE EAST."

clenna said...

Or ...... you are really in the land of Lilliput. And those little people don't like change!! Smarten up girl!

I am smart, I have an IQ of 143 133 123 113 (ok, let's skip that part)!  Besides, if it is Lilliputians moving the rug then I am sorry to say that they have frozen to death by now because I put the rug out to sun in 15 degree weather a couple of weeks ago..

jhitomi said...

Funny rug, belongs with funny you...
wow, Corollas effect, interesting. You are an incredible font of information. So I Say!  

Mannn, I hate it when commenters make me look up words!  Phew! A synonym for font is source. I thought you meant definition (c) a receptacle for various liquids (and I gave that up years ago)! 

jhitomi said...

oops, I meant So Say I...I'll have to use that more often to get used to it.

I probably read that in one of those Elizabethan novels I was forced to read in school.

(Martha said, "Helen, I really think your sister's husband is a cad!"  "So say I," replied Helen. "But please be quiet as he is hiding under my bed!") 

Red Nomad OZ said...

Haha! There are some things in the universe that just can't be explained!!

I look forward to hearing where it ends up next!!

Red Nomad Oz
Adventures in Australia

PS Maybe it's just trying to escape??

Yep, can't explain a lot of things.  For example, I read somewhere that your toilet water (when flushed) swirls the opposite direction of mine!  However, after careful (ok, brief) research I find that something I thought of as true IS NOT!   Lets make sure!  QUICK...run to your (whatever you guys call it) and flush.  Which direction is the water swirling?  Mine swirls clockwise. 

Miss M said...

Teehee :) Wonder what it is??? 

Keep us updated ! I forever think I am losing things, my jewelry to be specific. Maybe I'm having the same problem............

Well, it's not the Lilliputians as I have talked with my "ant" (see #92) emissary and she says that neither the ants nor the Lilliputians are responsible.  I'm going with poltergeists or aliens (although mice and crows come to mind when it comes to shiny things).

The Desert Rocks said...

I think if you google thedesertrocks, you might get me.

When I googled thedesertrocks I came up with 10 pages.  That is 9 pages more than I wanted to search so I said to myself, "Well, old gal, you can't come up with something for everyone."

I did measure the rug's progress and it moves about 1/4 inch a week (that's pretty fast for a week).  Now here is a problem for everyone to figure out.  At that rate how long would it get to Australia?  Once there would it turn around and start back?  Or would it stall out in the heat over the equator?  Food for thought!

And, as I was writing this post a large red pillow slowly left the room. Nope, not Lilliputians or ants or even poltergeists...TOBY!  BRING THAT BACK HERE!.....gotta go!

FYI: I had to do this entire post over again because those darned Computer Relater Attacks by Polteguists (C.R.A.P.)spread this out over 9 pages!

THERE IS A STORY ABOUT THE TATTOO ON SATURDAY (#142) AND BEING MUGGED IS  COMMING UP ON MONDAY (#144)  kt 2/2011

#139-YIPPPPPEEEEEEE! LOOKEY WHAT I GOT!

 I PROMICE I WON'T LET IT GO TO MY HEAD, BUT I GOT ANOTHER AWARD!

Awh, Mannnnnn, this is (as I used to say in the 50s) “bitchin!”

Thank you, Eve (thedesertrocks.blogspot.com).  I have never been described as “cute” or “like a jelly donut that might squirt” but, I think I like it.  (FYI, I haven't squirted since I sneezed when I was breast feedng.)  

I have to pass this on to six other sweet blogs, post the link, a picture of the award and list four of my guilty pleasures on my blog. 

It is not as easy as it sounds as I am fortunate to know a lot of sweet people that are blogging.  I nominate the following 6 bloggers (in no particular order).

FIRST of all I just HAVE to nominate Lazarus (lgreport.blogspot.com).  Several weeks ago he took my ribbing without complaint and was as sweet as he could be. 

SECOND comes Mona (wsprsweetlyofcottages.blogspot.com)  She has a blog that invites you into her home and makes one feel warm and fuzzy.  She is a real sweetheart.  And I bet she makes GREAT cinnamon buns!

THIRD would be Chief aka Dad   (unsoundreasoning.blogspot.com)  He gets absolutely gooey sweet whenever he talks about his girls. Plus, when asked on President’s Day, he knew that George Washington’s guilty pleasure was making whiskey!

FOURTH is Janelle (thewildwestshow.blogspot.com)

She is a sweet young lady raising two girls on her own in North Dakota.  She has a lot of challenges and seems to take them all in stride.

FIFTH Irene (softvoiceofafreespirit.blogspot.com)

This is one of the sweetest little ladies I have met so far.

She lives in the Philippines and is another overcomer.  She writes about ideas like strength of character, wisdom from failure, overcoming vanity and practicing forgiveness

SIXTH (now this is a tough one because I still have several of my all time favorite bloggers

still out there to be acknowledged).  Is it permissible to share one?  I read each one of these bloggers regularly (thank goodness they all don’t post daily).  I have found something unique and interesting in each and every one. (What the heck!  I doubt that there is such a thing the blogger police that will come and arrest me if I bend the rules a little.  So, I will just give you a list):

Here guys, you'll have to share

• confessionsofaterriblemom.blogspot.com
• driftwoodramblings.blogspot.com
• embraceletsdesigns.blogspot.com
• facing50withhumour.blogspot.com
• grinandbaerit.blogspot.com
• hiccup-in-time.blogspot.com
• eliza-twaddle.blogspot.com
• lcbfsometimes.blogspot.com
• gstockwell.blogspot.com
• oklahomasmalltowngirl.blogspot.com
• professionallyinsanem.blogspot.com
• thedessertrocks.blogspot.com
• wrestlingwithretirement.com

And then there's Clenna who is my #1 follower (who I can't seem to connivence to start her own blog).

Only 4 guilty pleasures??????  That is going to be sooooo hard as I have a lot more than 4.

There are at least 10 that involve chocolate!  Ok, here goes...

1.  To me my hot fudge Sunday is not considered finished until I lick all the fudge out from the inside of the cup (even the bottom).  This has a tendency to give me a chocolate mustache, nose, and sometimes even eyebrows.

2.  Taking an afternoon nap, DAILY!

3.  Now that I am retired I can put off almost any choir I want… and I do!  I have been known to run to Walmart for new panties so I don’t have to do a load of laundry (is that too much information...).

4.  I did something daring and got a tattoo on my ankle for my 70^th birthday.  That post will be coming up soon.

5.  WOOPS, I WAS ONLY SUPPOSED TO DO FOUR.  I ALREADY BROKE THE RULES ONCE SO YOU WON'T GET TO HEAR ABOUT OTHERS... LIKE:

Woops is this another TMI?

kt 2/2011

#138-TOTALLY TUBULAR TUESDAYS (TOBYISMS)

(A reminder the giveaway ends on February 28th at midnight - see #117 on 2/1 for details)


Today I have a guest blogger and I will let him introduce himself:

Uhhhh, Hi.  My name is Totally Tubular Toby;call me Toby.   I have come up with these rules that SHE calls  TOBYISMS.  SHE thinks that SHE'S in charge, but, I'm a smart pup (see, I already know English) so, I knew I had to lay down the law right from the start (if I want this gig to work out in my favor).

First of all, anything on the floor is mine (including that upity cat!)

Chewing is in the "Puppy Bill of Rights." (Get used to it!)

Looking pitiful is all I have to do to get help 
(well, I sometimes have to add a small whimper).

TV is evil!  I WILL destroy the TV power cord because of that darned Dog Whisperer (he's a total control freek and I wanna do what I wanna do).  Also, I find the "eh-eh" and poke in the side really annoying.  

HELP!  
I am frequently held captive while SHE goes to lunch!
Isn't that about the meanest thing you have ever heard of?
Not only that, today, SHE stopped to take a picture of me in my misery!
I'm suing!  

When she yells T O B Y ! ... ...
the best thing to do is to throw myself on the floor (belly up)
and surrender immediately!  (You're smiling aren't you?  See it works!)

I WILL NOT WEAR THIS #$%! COAT!  SHE CAN'T MAKE ME!

Grab the end of a toilet paper roll, DAILY, and run like hell!  She'll yell, but don't surrended until the roll runs out.  It is worth it to watch her struggle to keep from laughing. 

(NOTE: Actually he's thinking, "What's with you!  Are you nuts?  First I get in major trouble for messing with this stuff, then you give me a wad of it so you can take a picture for your blog. I don't get it!)

 

And, finally, if it is too cold to pee outside, it doesn't make sense to waist a perfectly good rug (like this one)!

(Toby is also featured on post #131)  kt 2/2011


So I could enter a blog hop I just added the following:
1. Have any animals?  Yep...Toby and a cat named Kit  
2. Favorite animal?  Tigers 
3. If you could have any animal, what would it be?  Horse
4. Pet any weird animals?  Wierd, no.  Fun, yes (a dolphin)
5. Ever been to a drive through safari? Yes, A female lion came right up to our window.
6. What zoos have you been to, what is your favorite one? So many I can't begin to list them but the favorite by far was the San Diego Zoo.

#137-THE RELUCTANT JUROR

(A reminder the giveaway ends on February 28th at midnight - see #117 on 2/1 for details)


I actually would like to serve on a jury, however I'll bet they erased my name from the prospective jury list just after the one and only time I was called (about 5 years ago).

Robert thought, "I knew she was going to be trouble the minute she walked in the door.!"

You see, I had paid, nonrefundable tickets to visit my daughter and her family that summer.  Wouldn't you know that is when I get a summons to jury duty (and it is the only one I have ever received in my whole life).

I tried every thing I could to get someone to allow me to explain how I could be excused from serving, this time.  But, I got nowhere.  I had to show up to the first day and go through the process (which they have sense changed, probably because of me).  So, I show up two days before my departure date and sit with about 50 other potential jurors.

This was really ridiculous because there was a couple of derelicts, a compulsive knitter, and crippled guy sitting next to me who kept groaning. I complained to the bailiff for him and was told to sit down and be quiet.  I knew the drill because I used to be a courtroom clerk when I lived in California but, this was a court in a small town (and if you haven’t lived in a small town I couldn’t begin to explain it to you).  So, I took advantage of my knowledge and went into action.

When asked if we knew anyone involved with the case I raised my hand and pointed to the arresting officer and said, “Yes, he used to be a student of mine.  Such a sweet kid.  Hi, David.”  


Then I pointed to the prosecuting attorney and said, “ My son went to school with Robert, and they used to be best of friends. Hi, Robert, nice to see you again.”  Robert suddenly dropped his head and shook it from side to side.

As the morning wore on I had more opportunity to be certain I wasn’t chosen.  When they asked if there were any reason we couldn’t serve I raised my hand (Robert’s head flopped down again.  He knew there was more to come).  I told the court about my non-refundable airline tickets.  I went on to say that I wouldn’t be a very good juror if I was thinking about how much money it cost me to serve,  how I wasn’t going to get to see my grandchildren, and how I couldn’t afford another ticket.

They had a chance to excuse me and the crippled guy, but no, we ALL had to return after the lunch break.

That is when I really came to life.  Now, pay attention because this case was really stupid!   The victim had property damage to his car that was done by the accused.  WAIT FOR IT...The accused was once married to the victim’s wife.  (Here’s where it gets funny).  The accused was having a hard time, lost his job, etc. etc.  The victim and his wife (the ex) asked him (the accused) to come and live with them (are you getting this so far?).  One night (TO MY SURPRISE– yeah, right) a fight broke out at their place.  The accused got mad and took a sledge hammer to the victim’s automobile.  The police were called, charges were filed and the case was set for jury trial…tomorrow!

I couldn’t believed what I was hearing.  So when the Judge asked if there was anyone here who thought they could not render a fair and unbiased verdict Robert dropped his head even before I raised my hand.  Robert kept his head down and slowly shook it when the Judge (who apparently was slow to learn) asked me to explain why.  This is kind of what I said:

“Frankly Judge, I think this is the dumbest thing I have ever heard .  If these two people (pointing to the victims) were stupid enough to invite the EX to live with them then they should suffer the consequences of their decision.  This is a complete waist of the court’s time, my time, the tax payers money and this poor guy sitting next to me.  This should have been settled out of court and I should be home packing for my trip!” 

Every one in the potential pool either laughed, snickered, or smiled (I think they wanted to applaud).  By the way, I was released from jury duty! ( I think that my comments tainted the jury pool but the case went on without me).  I'm a baaaaaaaddddd girl.  But, NOTHING will keep me from seeing my grandchildren!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LETS TRY THIS AGAIN.

Is this story 100% true, partly true, or a total fabrication?  

Let me know what you think when you comment.

kt2011