#248 THE OLYMPIC CONTENER

#248  THE OLYMPIC CONTENDER


This winter was a long, cold, icy one in southern Missouri.  One Saturday morning I looked out and saw this.  I turned round and went back inside to change my shoes to something with a little more grab on the soles.

You really can't see that this was a solid sheet
of ice clear all the way across and all the way down.

Well, they might have worked had I not been facing an ice ramp. 

I cautiously stepped out onto the porch and negotiated the first part of the challenge with only a few boggles.  However, the down slope was another matter.  I was over confident and stepped bravely out onto the Matterhorn like ride.  My right foot immediately took off without me (or my left foot) and soon was 12 inches up in the air with my rear end heading for sudden contact with the icy slide.  Trust me, this was not near as much fun as the flume that my granddaughter and I rode on last summer.  Or the Matterhorn I rode at Disneyland.  This thing was cold, and it was hard.  There were some similarities.  I went very fast and my rear-end was sopping wet when I reached the departure point and ended the ride.  However, there was not one single smiling person to help me off (or up, that is).

It was necessary to get back into the house to change clothes before the church bus picked me up lest I cause a lot of speculation as to why I had wet drawers (at my age I know some of the assumptions that would be made).  I considered my options, either go back up the slide to the landing or breach the barrier that was built to keep me from falling off the porch (again....another story).   Basically I had no options as I was NOT going to approach the toboggan run again. The only thing left to do was to climb over the railing of the porch (top pic, left side) so I could safely reenter the house.  However, the porch floor is a 22 inches off the ground and the railing is another 29 inches up from that.  Now, I pride myself on being in good shape for a 73 year old.  However, I was already smarting from the bounce and slide down the causeway.  Slowly I made it up onto the floor and was swinging my leg over the railing when my wet drawers ripped.  About the same time my neighbor came out her side door and yelled, "What on earth are you doing?"  Red faced I reply, "Just stretching my legs." as I disappeared over the rail and into my house.

I returned to the mountain dressed in dry clothes. I composed myself and struck an Olympian pose as stood at the peak of my second attempt of the day.  As I was rallying the imaginary crowd watching my Olympic debut, the bus pulled up.  I turned to face the rail, gingerly stepped on to the "ice flume" bent over the railing,  placed my forearms on that railing and zipped down the ramp sideways.   The bus driver and riders were cracking up when I stepped onto the bus.  "What?" I said, "Haven't you ever seen an Olympic event?" and sat down.

kt 5/29/14