"Why I reacted in such a decisive, violent manner is unbeknown to me. When at home I usually pick them up with a cloth or Kleenex and throw them out the front door. But, on this particular Sunday I guess I wasn't in a particularly benevolent mood. To be honest I didn't have a tissue and the door was a long way down the hall, but I don't remember considering either of those options. So, I am sickened with the memory of VIOLENTLY slamming down my umbrella pulverizing the creature."
(POSSIBLE) STATEMENT OF THE VICTIM ( had it not been smashed beyond recognition):
"I was sleeping quietly in my usual place when suddenly my home rose up in the air and swiftly moved to the cold outdoors. It was so cold that I had to hunker down in my nest and hang on for dear life. It seemed as though I was traveling as fast as the wind. Finally, my home stopped moving rapidly and began to move at a more lower rate, and into a warmer place. I could sense that I had been moved to a place that was filled with those large noisy creatures that I usually avoid. This immediately put me on full alert. I wanted to be back in the dark room in that quiet place where I have been since I was born. But now, I could feel the tiny hairs on my back standing up. When my home stopped moving and fell with a bump on a hard surface I crawled to the edge of my hideaway/home and peeked out. Horrors upon horrors I saw a wide open, bright place with many large creatures making such a racket that the sound almost hurt. I knew immediately that I must escape the din so I rushed from the opening onto a flat white surface toward a single benign looking critter. In fact, this was the critter I saw dump my mother outside quite a while ago. Feeling better about my predicament, I took a deep breath and headed in it's direction. I was sure that I made the right decision when It picked up an obstacle to clear my path. That is the last I remember."
PERPRETATOR' STATEMENT OF REMORSE:
"I actually feel a little bit guilty about ending the spider's life. After all, it was just doing what spiders do; it was probably confused by it's new surroundings. So, I said a little prayer for the spider and asked God to forgive me for my brief moment of violence against such a fine, beautiful creature as this little ole house spider. Because you see, I believe that ALL life is precious and has a purpose. For some reason, I had just unreasonably decided that the spider had no purpose in my church classroom. I know now I should have put it out the door."