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Monday, April 11, 2011

#172-DEER ME!

This story took place somewhere around the early 70’s I think….who knows…at my age it all seems to run together.  Anyway, both of my children were fairly young.  Once a month I took my children some place special.  I guess I was trying to compensate for having divorced thereby removing the main father figure in their lives.  But, who knows maybe it was just because I liked having fun with my kids.



In Southern California there was a wonderful place called “Japanese Deer Park.” I understand that they went bankrupt in the late 70s but back then it was a beautiful park with performing dolphin, bears, and a petting area filled with deer.  They even had a moat through which dolphins would streak.   There was a fish that played poker (and won), several coy ponds, pearl divers, a dove enclosure, beautiful gardens, and hands on crafts for the children to do (like origami). 

Just to make sure you get a clear picture of me, I was dressed in a bright red shirt, black slacks, and comfortable shoes.  The blouse had a collar that had over a foot long tie that I put into a bow.   It looked real snazzy (one never knew when one might run into a single dad visiting the same park).

So, you are wondering, what kind of trouble could she get into here? (Oh, ye of little faith!)

Glad you asked, as I did happen to have a memorable experience in the deer enclosure.



We went into the deer paddock to feed these darling, small, delicate, creatures.
The little buggers were being pushy so I bent over to help my daughter feed one.
Then, I felt a tug at my neck.  When I looked down there was a small deer between my legs SWALLOWING my long red, tie (see, there WAS a reason why I described what I was wearing).

My daughter’s eyes got so big I thought they might pop out and my son doubled over, laughing hysterically (while pointing at his mother’s embroiled in her latest disaster).

I tried to pull the tie out of the critter’s mouth…it wouldn’t budge and it was still swallowing and chewing at the tie.   I yelled at my son to run and get help but he was too paralyzed by his hysterics.   I started softly talking to the deer and rubbing its neck while pulling on the tie with the other hand.  I had visions of needing to have the goat sedated (or killed) before it would relinquish its prize.  I could see the headlines:

“IRRESPONSIBLE MOTHER OF TWO RESPONSIBLE FOR DEATH OF BAMBI”
(film at 11)

At any rate, slowly the tie began to slip out of the deer’s throat.   But, what accompanied the tie  prompted immediate gag reactions for all three of us.   There were slimy green chunks all over both of  long ties.  I had to hold them out away from the rest of my shirt and walk like an old woman hunched by age.  Not only was my appearance embarrassing but also the looks I was getting from the other patrons (which ran all the way from disgusting- to utter disbelief).  In the ladies restroom I washed the ties out several times and finally got the green sheen out of them.  Of course I had to take the blouse off to do that, and the whole thing ended up looking like it had washed up on the shore of some remote beach.

All of this happened before lunch (I really didn't feel like eating...well maybe DEER MEAT!) and the we hadn't seen major shows so, there was no going home.  I pulled myself together and finished out the day like a real trooper.  The only problem was the wrinkled damp blouse looked awful, felt awful, and my son kept looking over at me periodically and would break into laughter.

kt3/2011

19 comments:

  1. It really could ONLY happen to you, Karen! I think you were incredibly selfless to have remained on for the rest of the day, stoically swallowing your wounded pride. I'd like to think that had there been any really nice, recently divorced or bereaved men out there on that day, they would have come to your aid :) I think you deserved a medal!

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  2. Hysterical! This reminds me of a similar incident that occurred when I was a kid. We went to the Frankfort Zoo in Frankfort, Germany. It was a huge deal for us to go to the zoo because we were really poor and it was about an hour away (even on the autobahn- one of the most terrifying driving/passenger experiences). We had only been at the zoo a short time when stopped to look at some cavorting chimps. Long story short- a chimp with perfect aim managed to nail my mother on top of her head with a wad of poop. She rushed to the bathroom to wash it, but in Germany (at that time anyway), you pay to use the bathroom, to use soap, even for each paper towel. So, here is my mother, bent over a tiny sink, trying to wash her hair with that stinky industrial hand soap- one squirt of soap and 10 seconds of cold water at a time. The lady running the bathroom would only parse it out that way. Needless to say- her 80's perm was a fright and the smell was still ripe. She martyred herself so that we could finish our day, but no one would stand near her. We were so awful that we wouldn't even sit at the same picnic table when eating our ice cream.

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  3. OMG those stories are so much fun.
    Now I have to tell my story. When my kids were 2 1/2 and 7 months hubby and I took them to Santa Clause Village in NH. We traveled for a couple of hours and stayed in a hotel (which was a real treat as we were dirt poor).
    Early the next morning we checked out and headed to the village. We paid out fares and walked in. Hubby was holding the 6 month old. The baby had just had a bottle of milk, when he pulled my husband's shirt away from his body and proceded to upchuck down his hairy chest! Then the baby put the shirt back and patted it!! (all done) My husband smelled rank all day - and it was a very warm day.
    I have to tell you I thoroughly enjoyed this because I was always the one they spit up on!!

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  4. OMG, poor you and poor Bambi :-)

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  5. Karen you are a woman after my own heart! When I volenteered at the zoo a baby donkey took a liking to me and as I started climbing the fence he grabbed onto the back of my shirt and yanked. I fell backwards into the pen and multiple piles of donkey poo. Each time I tried to get up the dang thing drug me further and further into more crap!The zoo workers tried to distract him but he was having none of it. Eventually I decided to just stay down for a minute and see what he would do. He lay down beside me and nuzzled me then put his head on my chest and fell asleep. I laughed so hard. Here I was playing mommy to a young donkey laying (no kidding) in manure. I stunk so bad they gave me a new set of clothes to wear for the rest of the day. Course they were mens so I really looked ridiculous but oh well. It was bizarre to say the least. Love this story of yours. You should def get a medal!

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  6. Oh, am I glad I came back to see what other comments you had since I visited much earlier! I've been treated to another 3 new laughs for the price of the original one :)

    This is so much fun I'm tempted to buy a season ticket so I get a front-row seat every time!

    Will we be treated to Toby's antics tomorrow...PLEASE???

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  7. Sounds as though you have your hands full, Karen! I'd thought you were being quieter than usual. Hope things work out happily for all. xxx

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  8. You are a cutie pie- where were those eligible bachelors when you needed them? I mean come on this took place in Buena Park, California in the O.C.- trust me I know- I grew up a few miles north of this Deer Park. It was one of our favorite places to go as a family.Interesting how our lives seem to connect in so many ways. I'm starting to think I might have married your ex.LOL

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  9. HI! Nice to meet you. What a funny and delightfully disgusting story! Desiree suggested that I stop over. I'm so glad I did. I'm a new follower.

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  10. OH MY GOSH!!!! Oh gross, that is just gross...funny thing I even comtemplated the 'I' word 'ICK' today because I don't like gross things; yeah, uh, like the tie that came out of the deer's mouth!
    but hey, thanks for the laugh!!!

    http://sbpra.com/tracyspaine/

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  11. So funny, guess red was not the best color!I have awarded you the Versatile Blogger Award, you will find the details on my blog. http://sivmaria.blogspot.com Congrats!

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  12. OH Yuk! What a story and then followed by more funny stories. I'll add mine too. We were visiting Switzerland and took the children to see the goats in an enclosure in a park. Our youngest was patting them and making loving noises until suddenly she screamed, No, no, no, let go!" as the goat grabbed her glove and proceeded to nibble it off her hand. We ran to her aid and rescued her hand and glove from it's devouring mouth. She was crying by now and sobbed, "I hate Switzerland, lets go home."

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  13. uff da- meaning "oh my" in norwegian! Don´t know if you have many norwegian followers sweet lady, but you´ve got a new one:) I like how you write:) keep up the good work! R

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  14. hi there:) Thank you so much for writing back to me:) I actually don´t post on that blog anymore, and it´s just out there kind off. I do, however post on thegrandproject.blogspot.com if you wanne take a look:)! I´m happy to be your fist follower from norway, found you through Siv Marias page:) have a good day:)

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  15. Howdy! (feeling sort of Western this morning!)

    It's gorgeous outside..and I was up for a good story...and I got one! FUNNY! I TELL YOU, you DO tell a good story. Are you sure you're not Irish?? :)

    It sounds as though your children have a great sense of humor too...
    There is nothing like a good giggle to start my day! Thanks for sharing.
    About my last post..first of all, thank you for the comment but..where you got the idea I have all that energy, I have NO idea. It took me nearly three years to get the project done..and I emptied that thing at least twice, stuffed everything back in for one reason or another..and then some blogger inspired me (you KNOW how that is..) and I finally just DID it!

    Have a wonderful, uplifting, glorious, heartwarming and fantastic day!

    What I like most about your blog? (I just read that little note thingy.. :) well..it's YOU of course!
    Hugs,
    Mona

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  16. That place sounds awesome, wish I could have gone. I love your son's reaction, that's exactly what I would have done haha

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  17. Just wanted you to know I love your comments on my blog! They make my day! You are gathering quite a few followers from my blog or me just having them read your stuff. Huge fan of your's and just wanted you to know that.

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  18. Oh wow!

    That's hysterical :)

    Hope you are having a good week

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  19. I had to read this again from Melynda's post the other day. I'm so glad I looked this post up. Absolutely hysterical :0) I love it!

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