In Southern California there was a wonderful place called “Japanese Deer Park.” I understand that they went bankrupt in the late 70s but back then it was a beautiful park with performing dolphin, bears, and a petting area filled with deer. They even had a moat through which dolphins would streak. There was a fish that played poker (and won), several coy ponds, pearl divers, a dove enclosure, beautiful gardens, and hands on crafts for the children to do (like origami).
Just to make sure you get a clear picture of me, I was dressed in a bright red shirt, black slacks, and comfortable shoes. The blouse had a collar that had over a foot long tie that I put into a bow. It looked real snazzy (one never knew when one might run into a single dad visiting the same park).
So, you are wondering, what kind of trouble could she get into here? (Oh, ye of little faith!)
We went into the deer paddock to feed these darling, small, delicate, creatures.
The little buggers were being pushy so I bent over to help my daughter feed one.
Then, I felt a tug at my neck. When I looked down there was a small deer between my legs SWALLOWING my long red, tie (see, there WAS a reason why I described what I was wearing).
My daughter’s eyes got so big I thought they might pop out and my son doubled over, laughing hysterically (while pointing at his mother’s embroiled in her latest disaster).
I tried to pull the tie out of the critter’s mouth…it wouldn’t budge and it was still swallowing and chewing at the tie. I yelled at my son to run and get help but he was too paralyzed by his hysterics. I started softly talking to the deer and rubbing its neck while pulling on the tie with the other hand. I had visions of needing to have the goat sedated (or killed) before it would relinquish its prize. I could see the headlines:
“IRRESPONSIBLE MOTHER OF TWO RESPONSIBLE FOR DEATH OF BAMBI”
(film at 11)
At any rate, slowly the tie began to slip out of the deer’s throat. But, what accompanied the tie prompted immediate gag reactions for all three of us. There were slimy green chunks all over both of long ties. I had to hold them out away from the rest of my shirt and walk like an old woman hunched by age. Not only was my appearance embarrassing but also the looks I was getting from the other patrons (which ran all the way from disgusting- to utter disbelief). In the ladies restroom I washed the ties out several times and finally got the green sheen out of them. Of course I had to take the blouse off to do that, and the whole thing ended up looking like it had washed up on the shore of some remote beach.
All of this happened before lunch (I really didn't feel like eating...well maybe DEER MEAT!) and the we hadn't seen major shows so, there was no going home. I pulled myself together and finished out the day like a real trooper. The only problem was the wrinkled damp blouse looked awful, felt awful, and my son kept looking over at me periodically and would break into laughter.