MY V.I.P. FILE

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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

#55-THE NOT SO SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS (part 2)




















For those of you newer followers each Friday I reprint an earlier post.  Sometimes I tweak it a  little sometimes I don't.  


STOP!  THIS IS PART 2.  If you are starting here you need to stop and go back to the previous FRIDAY (6/17/11) where THIS FLASH BACK started).






















          I put the garbage can in the garage and dropped an egg down into the can.  When the sweet thing (notice how the words describing the skunk are softening) just looked at me and did not tap a warning.  This gave me the desire to pick it up.  Still with gloved hand and old clothes I leaned over the trash can and slowly picked “pepe” up (as I tucked its tail under its dangerous end).  It was adorable, it sniffed, cuddled, and I think it smiled (I was in love).
          The next day, late in the afternoon, I drove it up into the hills behind our place.  I put the garbage can on its side and little Pepe (or Priscilla = I wasn't about to check the business end to find out) walked out.  But, instead of racing off into the wild (well, semi-wild) it turned and ran toward me.  I kept turning it around as I tried to shoo it off.  It was then that I heard male laughter coming from the sky.  Was God laughing at me?  I mean, I know he has a great sense of humor after all He did make this beautiful animal with its odiferous defense system.  OK, it wasn’t God, but two linemen hanging from a pole with a perfect view of my dilemma.
          After, I finally ran the juvenile off I jumped into my car and headed home.  I reset the trap, donated another egg, and placed it under my house after all it takes two to argue.  

I heard the trap go off that night.  So, thinking that I was now the GREAT ANIMAL HANDLER I went out to do a replay before going to work.  That way I could get this one up to where I released the first one and they could hook up.
          I repeated the procedure (even though I noted that this one was a bit larger).  But, (AND HERE IT COMES) this one had other ideas.  Just as I tripped the door it flipped its hind end up and LET ME HAVE IT (and it was a full load)
          I had never been sprayed before and had I known just how nasty it could be I may have allowed the massacre to happen earlier on my front lawn.  While retching I slammed home the trash can and its lid.  I called work to tell them what had happened and then called my mother to bring me TONS of tomato juice (which was a remedy my boss suggested). 
          I took my clothes off in the back yard, ran (el fresco) to the bathtub filled with tomato juice and scrubbed myself raw from head to toe.  Then I repeated the procedure with scented soap and shampoo.
          Thinking myself odor free I headed for work that afternoon.  I no sooner cleared the door and walked in than EVERYONE stood up, pointed to the door and uttered, “OUT!” (apparently my smeller was burned out by the experience).  Luckily it was Friday and I had all weekend to burry my clothes and lounge around in tomato juice (and various other concoctions my friends suggested ----by phone).
          Both the trash can and occupant was unceremoniously dumped from my car as I drove BY the place I had deposited the sweet one.  The lid popped off as it rolled down a small embankment.  Success, mission accompolished.  Two animals saved.  Cost:  A new trash can, 4 eggs, jeans, shoes, underwear, tomato juice (20 large cans), shampoo, rinse, assorted other remedies, and a burned out nose (all-in-all about $50!).  (100% TRUE)

kt2010

#54-THE NOT SO SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS (Part 1)

                                                   PART 2 is comming up soon.

While living Southern California in the early seventies I encountered a malodorous situation  Our duplex was in a small development that lay at the base of an undeveloped hill.  
          In the middle of the night I heard a squabble between two animals who had somehow gotten under the house.  They chose to disagree directly below my bedroom. The major  problem occurred when they decided to punctuate their ire with an unmistakable odor.  Aawwwwwh, mannnnn, skunk!
           At work the next morning I called the animal control office and alerted them to my fetid problem.  They promised to drop by that morning and set a trap.  I had an 11:30 lunch hour so I ran home to talk to the guy.
          The officer baited the trap with a raw egg and stuck it under the house.  Sure enough, by the time I got home there was a black and white critter in the trap.  I left my guest in the trap, called the officer, and asked him to meet me at my place the next day at four. 
          The next afternoon I went home early, watched as he pulled the trap from under the house, and viewed the beautiful, shiny-coated animal.  I asked him to return it to the hills.  He immediately replied, “No way lady, I’m not stinkin’ up my truck!”
          When I asked him what he usually does he said, “Well, I can just shoot the thing right where it sits!”
          Visions of school children witnessing the carnage filled my mind (a small crowd had already gathered to view the event) and before I could think I blurted out, “NOT MY SKUNK!”  (emphasis on the word MY).  He threw up his hands, shook his head, laughed, and left.  Now I had a small problem to solve; what was I to do with MY skunk?
          I laid down in the grass on my belly (at a respectable distance of course) while eying the pusillanimous polecat (and formulated a plan).  I was struck by the fact that it was very small and young which made me all the more determined to orchestrate a positive outcome.  The plan involved a large trash can (with a lid), another egg, old clothes and major guts (mine)!
          I slid up to the cage on my stomach while talking softly to the adorable creature
By this time I had drawn an audience of about 30 people.  The small frightened animal raised its rear end and patted its sweet, tiny, front feet at me as a warning.  Undaunted by its display I inched forward and paused every time it tapped its tiny feet.  Eventually, we were almost nose to nose.  It had retreated to the back of the cage which gave me room to release the door catch.  I then slid the garbage can up to the door, righted the trash can, and slammed the lid home.  Applause erupted from the crowd.  I bowed and announced (with a Porky Pig stutter), “Ttttthat's all, folks.”
          
(Oh, this one is a little too long!   I am going to need to finish it tomorrow.  (THE BEST IS YET TO COME!   TRUST ME!) 
kt2010



         





Wednesday, November 24, 2010

#52-HAPPY THANKSGIVING






           EVERYONE OUT THERE HAVE A  
           WONDERFUL THANKSGIVING!

Funny turkey - Click image to download.



     The last day to enter the give away is 
              Nov. 26th (by midnight).
I will return to posting on Monday the 29th, 
             and announce the winner!
kt2010

#51-PUTTING TEETH INTO THANKSGIVING

My mother (God rest her soul) was a real card!  I guess this is where I got part of my _____ (I don’t really know what word to put in here, and you can bet that I won’t ask my son-in-law).

I think I got my sense of humor from my dad’s side of the family (English and Swedish).  Most of my memories of them are filled with laughter that always accompanied visiting them.   There was laughter on my mother’s side of the family too (English and German).  But the German influence of my great grandparents stifled the gene pool, a little.

Where was I?  Oh, yes, I was about to tell you about  a Thanksgiving dinner at my Aunt Marjorie’s (many years ago).

Mom had a partial plate to fill in where ….well you know.  She was very fastidious about cleaning it (definitely a German trait…fastidiousness, that is).  She was not so fastidious about where she put it, once clean.

I was over at my parents’ house watching my mother bustle through the house earnestly looking for her partials (teeth).  She was muttering the entire time.  Her search took her to every nook and cranny of every room.  She came up empty.  Finally, she threw up her hands and said, “Ok, lets go, I am never going to find them.”  Then she said, “I’ll just keep my mouth shut and not talk.”  Well, that caused guffaws from both my dad and me.  You see, I definitely know which side of the family my verbosity comes from.

Now, picture an idyllic Thanksgiving table with about 10 family members sitting around it passing dishes and salivating.  Aunt Marjorie was one of the best cook in the family (although related I did not inherit her skill….see blogs #29, 35 and a future blog entitled FROM THE FRYING PAN INTO THE FIRE). 

Suddenly, Mom yelped and jumped in her chair.  She then reached into her bra and withdrew her teeth and loudly exclamed, “There you are!”  All eyes at the table were instantly glued on Mom.  She looked up, smiled and said, “They bit me!” and then popped the partial into her mouth.  The laughter coming from that house could be heard for miles.


kt2010


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

#50-TEENAGERS

An incident several months ago has been on my mind and prompted me to post what I used to say to parents.

"I truly believe that teenage is a DIFFICULT PERIOD OF INSANITY. Our job, as parents and teachers is to get them through it without any permanent damage!" kt


Several high school students in the area went car surfing one night.  They were riding the top of a truck cab when the predictable happened.  The driver hit a bump, and went into the ditch.  One boy was found unconscious and draped over a barbed wire fence (he broke his back).  All were seriously injured and one of the girls almost lost a leg.  They were in critical condition for a while, but they all survived.


kt 2010

Sunday, November 21, 2010

#49-SUNDAY'S SONG (Does Anybody Hear Her)

SO MANY TIMES WE LOOK RIGHT PAST THE PEOPLE SOME CONSIDER UNWORTHY.  


I PRAY THAT I AM NEVER FOUND GUILTY OF DOING THAT!   



You Tube is a wonderful way to find great music videos!                                                    kt2010

Saturday, November 20, 2010

#48-WHY DO WIERD THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?

I have decided that I need to blog about the weird things that I encounter while trying to interact with my computer (and this blog).  I TRULY believe that it (my computer) is deliberately messing with my mind.    I am going to list examples as they come up.


#1  I was just typing up a future blog for my draft page and for some reason the entire comment is written to the left of my post templet.  Some was written below the "return to list of posts" tab.  No matter what I did to this page came up the same.  I follow the same procedure each time I write up a post.  I type it in Microsoft Word then copy and paste.  The first two came out fine, but, number three blogged out! 
               
I checked the preview and it published normally.  I returned to my list of posts and re-entered this blog.  Still blogged out.


I went back to the original on my desktop and went through the same procedure (on a new draft page) just to check. The same thing happened, again.  HOWEVER, when I retyped the blog onto a blank post page it came out right??????????????


Stuff like this happens to me all the time.  When it does I think I will post each one and entitle the post "COMPUTER RELATED  ATTACKS by POLTERGEISTS" or "C.R.A.P." for short.


Would you share one of your C.R.A.P. moments on my comment section.  I need to know that I am not the only one!

kt2010

Friday, November 19, 2010

#46-TODAY'S PICK (Reader's comments) clenna














































HERE IS TODAY’S PICK:

TO #44 clenna said…
"These words are so funny - imagine trying to create a poem with, say, 8 of them. And the poem has to have words that rhyme!"

Sounds like a challange to me!  Have at it!  Bet you can't do it!  Post you attempt on comments.

(private joke between Clenna and me)

kt2010








#45-ANYONE WANT A TO BUY A NICE CLEAN TAPE RECORDER?
















Apparently I am going to have to wash dishes every hour!  Bummer!
 
You see, when I am washing dishes all sorts of blog ideas pop into my head. 

However, this creates a problem.  Wet, soapy hands are not conducive to grabbing a pen and jotting down notes on paper. 

For example, the other day, no less than 15 ideas popped into my head while I was cleaning up after my PIE fiasco (see blog #35).  By the time I dried off my hands, grabbed a pen and paper, the idea(s) were gone!

So, a brilliant thought prompted me to trot (I don’t run anymore, another story….WOW! another blog subject) to my room to find my old mini recorder I used to plan lessons (on my fifty-four minute drive to  school…and I have a doozie of a story about one of those drives…Wow! Another blog).  I haven’t used that recorder for 3 years and the batteries were still good (yep, I use those energizer bunnies).

I ran a check and then started to place the small device on the shelf above the sink.  After almost dropping the darned thing into the dishpan, I admonished myself to be more careful.  Just because I am doing a simple choir does not mean that it in not RIPE with all kinds of possibilities, considering my history (see MOST of my blog).

After making sure the recorder was secure I returned to washing dishes.  Guess what?  My brain got quiet, and this is not a usual thing.  In fact it was down right spooky!  I told you about my ADHD (see blog #29) and how my mind is always racing.  In fact this, for me, was VERY spooky.

I washed dishes for about 10 minutes and I had the equal number of minutes of dead silence.  OK, I guess I will have to go back to soggy paper notes.  OK, so. are you ready for it?  I reached for the recorder, fumbled it, and it plopped directly into the pile of dirty dishes soaking in the dishpan.

This time instead of grabbing a pen and paper I grabbed a towel and trotted to my computer to type out my new post. 

The tape recorder, batteries, and mini tape are now drying on the heater vent………Hummmm.  Wonder how much I could get for it at a tag (garage) sale?

kt2010

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

#44 - FRIDAY'S FLASHBACK (I LIKE WORDS)



The keys to success
I LIKE WORDS:  I like the sound of them not necessarily their meanings.

For example: echolalia, remonstrance, truculent, demonstrative, hullabaloo, onomatopoeia, unctuous, preposterous, meshuggah, amuck, asinine, fatuous, tomfoolery, obtuse, sagacious, solicitous, voracious, amenable, lackadaisical, languid, lassitude, ludicrous (I particularly like L words), quirky, aberrant, phantasmagoric, salient, idiosyncratic, sinuous, just to name a few.

Now guess how many of these words are related to the word, "CRAZY?" (5)
And, while I am at it, guess how any of these words had red lines under them before I did a spell check (that would be most of them)?


As we all know there are a number of words that can be synonyms (or near synonyms) for crazy.  I wonder what that says about our society?  


For example: aberrant, abnormal, absurd, addled, addlepated, airhead, balmy, bananas, bats, batty, birdbrain, bizarre, bizarro, bonkers, certifiable,  cuckoo, cracked, crackers,  daft, daffy, delusional, demented,  dolt, eccentric,  fanciful, farcicalfar-out, fool, freaky, goofy, haywire,  implausible, inconceivable, idiot, insane,  jug-head,  kookylaughable,  looney, loopy, ludicrous,  meshuggah,  nonsensical, nutty,  off-beat, off-kilter, off-the-wall, one brick shy of a load, odd,  outrĂ©outlandishpeculiar, psycho, psychotic, preposterous, queer,  quirky,  ridiculous., scatty, screwy, spaced-out, strange, teched, unbalanced, unhinged, unsound, unreal,  wild, wacko, wacky, way-out, weird, wigged-out, witless.   I GIVE UP....CAN YOU THINK OF ANY MORE?
   
More importantly, there are words I "LOVE" and try to live by.  They can be found in the BIBLE.

kt2010