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Sunday, August 15, 2010

#20 "RECIPE FOR DISASTER"

Mannnn, what a TWIT!




INGREDIENTS:
1 accident-prone disaster designer
1 nightgown on disaster designer
1 - 3 matches
1 small (tattered) American Flag in need of disposal




TIME:  approximately 60 seconds





PROCEDURE:
1.  Take all ingredients out the back door because it is early and you are still in your nightgown.
2.  Strike the match, let wind blow it out.  Strike another 2 matches at the same time.
3.  Hold the matches to lowest corner of the flag (that is dangling from your fingertips).
4.  Hold the burning flag out in front of you.
5.  Realize that eventually the fire will burn your hand.
6.  Look around for options (as to where you can lay the flag).
7.  Drop your right arm (the one extending the burning flag) a little bit as you look around.
8.  Feel heat on your leg.
9.  Look down to see your nightgown on fire (just below the knee).
10.  Drop the burning flag.
11.  Brush the flames (on the gown) out with your hand.
12.  Discover the burned flag remnants are made of something that sticks to your fingers (and leg).
13.  Scrape the goop off your burning fingers with a fingernail on your left hand.
14.  Transfer molten flag remnant to fingernail of left hand.
15.  Watch fingernail melt as goop cools.
16.  Shake you head at your stupidity as you enter the house.
17.  Put burn salve on the small round burn in your leg and on two burned fingers of your right hand.
19.  Watch the white blister forming on the end of your ring finger.
20.  Cut the end of the melted fingernail on your left hand.
21.  Sit down in your recliner and ponder the burned hole in your favorite nightgown.
22.  Give thanks to God that your nightgown was flame RESISTANT.
23.  Smile to yourself as you realize that this fiasco is perfect fodder for your next blog.


(100% TRUE)


kt 2010 (shortly after the 4th of July)

#20-FRIDAY FLASH BACKS (Recipe for Disaster)



                                                              INGREDIENTS
                                           1 accident-prone Master Disaster Designer
                                               1 nightgown on disaster designer
                                               1 - 3 matches
                                               1 small (tattered) American Flag in need of disposal

 TIME  
                                                              approximately 60 seconds



 PROCEDURE
1.  Take all ingredients out the back door (because it is early and you are still in your nightgown).
2.  Strike the match, let wind blow it out.  Strike another 2 matches at the same time.
3.  Hold the matches to lowest corner of the flag (that is dangling from your fingertips).
4.  Hold the burning flag out in front of you.
5.  Realize that eventually the flames will burn your hand.
6.  Quickly look around for options (as to where you can lay the flag).
7.  Drop your right arm (the one extending the burning flag) a little bit as you look around.
8.  Feel heat on your leg.
9.  Look down to see your nightgown on fire (just below the knee).
10.  Drop the burning flag.
11.  Brush the flames (on the gown) out with your hand.
12.  Discover the burned flag remnants are made of something that sticks to your fingers (and leg).
13.  Scrape the goop off your burning fingers with a fingernail on your left hand.
14.  Transfer molten flag remnant to fingernail of left hand.
15.  Watch fingernail melt as goop cools.
16.  Shake you head at your stupidity as you enter the house.
17.  Put burn salve on the small round burn in your leg and on two burned fingers of your right hand.
19.  Watch the white blister forming on the end of your ring finger.
20.  Cut the end of the melted fingernail on your left hand.
21.  Sit down in your recliner and ponder the burned hole in your favorite nightgown.
22.  Give thanks to God that your nightgown was flame RESISTANT.
23.  Smile to yourself as you realize that this fiasco is perfect fodder for your next blog.

kt 2010