MY V.I.P. FILE

There was an error in this gadget

Saturday, July 31, 2010

#10 Harry and Kallie

This is something I wrote for my granddaughter stationed in Korea (after she told me about this horrible spider dropping out of a tree onto her shirt). 


I am not going to split this up into parts so stick with me on this to the end....OK?


One May morning two large spiders were climbing through a tall tree at the Osan Air Force Base in Korea.  Mother spider had taken her teenage son out for a night hunt and they were just returning home.  Her son was going on and on about the big exciting world they live in and Mom was mostly ignoring him.


Harry was saying (in spider language, of course), "Ma, oh, Ma, I saw the neatest thing today.  A spider, kinda like me jumped out of a tree and glided to the ground.  It was a thing of beauty!  A long silver streamer trailed behind him and he flew.   He flew, Ma!"


Mom knew it was time to tell her son that he was not equipped for such a feat when the youngster yelled out, "Ma,.........Ma, watch me!" and off the branch he jumped.


"Oh, well," the mother said to herself, "Teenagers!"  "Then again," she thought, "I have been trying to get him to leave home for ages!"


Days went by and the mother spider did not see (or miss) her son.  Finally, one night, she heard him dragging himself up the tree to their home.  He was a frightful mess.  Also, he was limping on two of his six furry legs and had dirt and grime all over what was once shiny brown fur.  One mandible was even bent.


Mother asked, "Well, Harry, where have you been?  I couldn't hold dinner forever.  I had it all wrapped up for you, but when you didn't show I gave it to your younger brothers."  Harry plopped down beside his mother and sighed.


"Well, Ma, you see the flight down out of the tree was fun,..........at first.  Then, I realized that I wasn't floating like the other spider.  Next, I noticed I did not have that long silver streamer comming out of my rear end.  Finally, I realized that I was in trouble."


Taking a deep breath, Harry continued.  "The ground was coming up fast. There were two of those human animals you warned me about, directly below me.  I tried to let them know I was dropping by, but I guess they don't speak spider.  Anyway, down I came and landed, KER-PLUNK, right on top of one of them."


Harry shuddered as he remembered the horror of what happened next.  "Well," he said, "that is when all hell broke loose!" The one I landed on wasn't very nice.  It started making all kinds of noise (most of which, I am sure, started with their "F" sound) . It was jumping around like a tree branch in a wind storm.  It was screaming so loud that I thought my head would burst.  Suddenly, a part of it flew off (the part I was clinging to) and so did I.  By the way, Ma, did you know that they could shed their skins.  Freaky, huh!  Anyway, I landed in a puddle of mud and tried to scurry off.  That is when I found that legs number two and four weren't working so well.  I haven't a clue why, but the second human was jumping and sreaming too.  It almost stepped on me.  I didn't even come near it at all, honest Ma!  I crawled into a nearby dirty, stinky hole and rested up during the day."


With a dazed look still in his eyes, Harry continued, "I couldn't sleep because of all of the humans walking by, so the next night I started limping my way home.  Every time I saw a human I had to duck into another hiding place.  I was so terrified that I am sure that I lost some of my hair (as he said this he ran one of his working legs across a part of his abdomen to smooth down some of the remaining hairs).  I was almost home when I heard a sound that curdled my blood; I do have blood don't I Ma?  You DID neglect to tell me that I didn't have a para-shoot like the other spider!"


Mother just gave Harry one of her, get on with it, looks and Harry said, "Oh, Yeah, back to the sound."


After taking another deep breath Harry went on, "It was that same human walking down the path.  I froze in abject terror of being found by this fierce creature.  It picked up a rock on the path and flung it into the bush I was hiding behind.  How it knew I was there I do not know.  The rock hit me squarely on the head and bent my mandible.  I may never be able to eat again!" 


Mother spider just stared at her teenage son, and said "What doesn't kill you just makes you stronger!"  Then she walked off shaking her head uttering, "Give me strength!"


Harry followed her spouting phrases like, "Ma, can we move? It's dangerous here!"  "I'm never leaving your side again!"


After Harry's last remark you could faintly hear Mother spider say, "Oh, rats!"


kt 2010

#9 GARDEN SURPRISES








Today I trimmed the grass around the Spirrea bushes out front.

I had to wait until after the dinner meal because it had been too hot to do it during the day.  Apparently other creatures were thinking the same way.

I managed to get the job done after one shriek (a snake), one eeeeek (a toad), three ewew (slugs) a yuck (toadstool - to go with the toad I suppose), and an Awaahhhhh (a lightening bug).

The snake was a small hog nose,
The toad had lost one of his toes.
The slugs were disgusting,
The toadstool decomposing,
And the lightening bug blinked as it rose.

Actually this was a perfect ending to a not so perfect day.  I love nature and all that goes with it (even with the shriek, eek, ewe, yuck and especially with the Awaahhh).
kt 2010

#47- DENIAL (reprint of #s 6, 7, & 8)

THIS IS ONE OF MY FIRST POSTS.  IT IS A LONG ONE, SO STAY WITH ME.  IT IS 100% TRUE.


          Ok, so there I stood with my left foot in the bathroom sink, washing the mud off.  I had been doing some light gardening in the front flowerbed and since I wasn't finished I didn't want to take a shower yet.
          It didn't take much of an effort to get my foot up there after some minor (OK, MAJOR) assistance from my right and left hands.  The problem became most evident when I tried to lift my foot out.  It had easily slipped down into the bowl when I releassed it.  But coming back up out of the bowl was another thing altogether (or so I found).
          I lifted and twisted, leaned and pulled, but my foot would not clear the rim of the bowl.  I stood there for a few seconds assessing the problem and contemplating possible solutions.
         1.   If I called (or rather yelled) to my dad, he probably wouldn't hear me.  If he did hear me he would simply answer, "WHAT?" each time I called.  And even if he did finally figure out that I needed him, how on earth would a 98 year old man be of any help?  The first thing he would do is laugh (I know he would). If he did try to  help, both of us would probably end up in a pile on the floor.  No, this won't do.  Must come up with other alternatives.
          2.   I could call 911.   Instead of saying, "I've fallen and I can't get up," I could tell them that I am a 68 year old woman with delusions of flexibility who has her foot in a bathroom sink and can't get it out.
          Nope...won't work because there isn't a phone in the bathroom.  Besides I can see the headlines now, "A NEW ONE FOR THE ANNALS".  Lamar Emergency Management team responded yesterday to the home of Karen Taylor, age 68.  When the team arrived they found Ms. Taylor standing on her right leg in the half bath of the home.  Apparently, she could not extricate her left foot from the basin.   Her father was standing near by, grasping his walker and shuttering with laughter.  When asked how this happened Ms. Taylor responded, "I was abducted by aliens and this is where they returned me!"   Well, scratch that idea.
           3.  Can't call my son for the same reasons as stated above (no phone in the bathroom and the peals of laughter which would be emanating from BOTH my son and father).
That leaves me with using my own wits (now there is a sacry thought).  It was these very WITS that put me in this predicament in the first place.  But, I went to work on a solution anyway.
          4.  Couldn't lean back onto the wall behind me because it was too far away.  I might slip and fall.  This idea will be placed in reserve as my last desperate plan.  If I did slip and fall to the floor then I could crawl to the phone, call 911 and do the, "I've fallen ... ...," routine.
          5. I could try to crawl up onto the sink and then maneuver myself back down.  No, a broken neck is not an option, not to mention HOW ON EARTH was I going to accomplish that feat?
          6. I could just sit down and my leg (and foot) would follow.  Ahhh, mannnnn! That would hurt!  No way... ...  this is right up there with #4...........keep thinking.
          7. Finally, I eyed the toilet stool.  If I put down the lid, and somehow stretched and stepped up onto it with my right leg I could simply step down with my left, then right leg.   Visions of the splits, pulled down cabinets, and my damaged body lying on the floor stopped that insanity.
          8. Then suddenly, I got the idea to just lay my trousseau down onto the toilet and ease my foot an leg from their source of pain.  IT WORKED!  Not only that, my face being in close proximity with the toilet bowl alerted me to the fact that it needed to be cleaned, and SOON!
          The sad part is that I learned NOTHING from this fiasco.  I quickly put my right foot in the bowl (since I already knew the escape plan).  I  was not going to let this small insignificant incident get the upper hand on me.  I washed my right foot, extricated it easily (without all the previous drama).  Then I sat down to consider what this all meant.  I know it has something to do with DENIAL.
          Yes, I am getting older and the things I used to do as a kid are no longer possible.  Yes, I should have opted to go into the other bathroom and wash my feet in the tub.  Yes, the sink was a dumb idea. And, yes my back and legs are aching right now.  So, if I agree with all of these comments how can I be in denial?
          Easy, I did it without thinking in the first place.  Then I did it again... If that's not denial than I don't know what is.  So what am I going to do now?  Clean the toilet, of course.  Maybe if the toilet is clean I could use it to wash my feet....................Nawh!

kt 2010

#8 DENIAL (part 3 of 3)

If you started with this piece then it won't make much sense so, scroll down and start with part 1.)

Finally, I eyed the toilet stool.  If I put down the lid, and somehow stretched and stepped up onto it with my right leg I could simply step down with my left, then right leg.  Then visions of the splits, pulled down cabinets, and my damaged body lying on the floor stopped that insanity.

Then suddenly, I got the idea to just lay my trousseau down onto the toilet and ease my foot an leg from their source of pain.  IT WORKED!  Not only that, my face being in close proximity with the toilet bowl alerted me to the fact that it needed to be cleaned, and SOON!

The sad part is that I learned NOTHING from this fiasco.  I quickly put my right foot in the bowl (since I already knew the escape plan).  I  was not going to let this small insignificant incident get the upper hand on me.  I washed my right foot, extricated it easily (without all the previous contortions).  Then I sat down to consider what this all meant.  I know it has someathing to do with DENIAL.

Yes, I am getting older and the things I used ato do as a kid are no longer possible.  Yes, I should have opted to go into the other bathroom and wash my feet in the tub.  Yes, the sink was a dumb idea. And, yes my back and legs are aching right now.  So, if I agree with all of these comments how can I be in denial?

Easy, I did it without thinking in the first place.  Then I did it again... If that's not denial than I don't know what is.  So what am I going to do now?  Clean the toilet, of course.  Maybe if the toilet is clean I could use it to wash my feet....................Nawh!

kt 2010


#10-FRIDAY FLASHBACKS (Harry and Kallie)

For those of you new followers each Friday I reprint an earlier post.  Sometimes I tweak it a  little sometimes I don't.  

This is something I wrote for my granddaughter stationed in Korea (after she told me about this horrible spider dropping out of a tree onto her shirt). 

I am not going to split this up into parts so stick with me on this to the end....OK?

One May morning two large spiders were climbing through a tall tree at the Osan Air Force Base in Korea.  Mother spider had taken her teenage son out for a night hunt and they were just returning home.  Her son was going on and on about the big exciting world they live in and Mom was mostly ignoring him.

Harry was saying (in spider language, of course), "Ma, oh, Ma, I saw the neatest thing today.  A spider, kinda like me jumped out of a tree and glided to the ground.  It was a thing of beauty!  A long silver streamer trailed behind him and he flew.   He flew, Ma!"

Mom knew it was time to tell her son that he was not equipped for such a feat when the youngster yelled out, "Ma ... ... ... Ma, watch me!" and off the branch he jumped.

"Oh, well," the mother said to herself, "Teenagers!"  "Then again," she thought, "I have been trying to get him to leave home for ages!"

Days went by and the mother spider did not see (or miss) her son.  Finally, one night, she heard him dragging himself up the tree to their home.  He was a frightful mess.  Also, he was limping on two of his six furry legs and had dirt and grime all over what was once shiny brown hair.  One mandible was even bent.

Mother asked, "Well, Harry, where have you been?  I couldn't hold dinner forever.  I had it all wrapped up for you, but when you didn't show I gave it to your younger brothers."  Harry plopped down beside his mother and sighed.

"Well, Ma, you see the flight down out of the tree was fun...........at first.  Then, I realized that I wasn't floating like the other spider.  Next, I noticed I did not have that long silver streamer coming out of my rear end.  Finally, I realized that I was in trouble."

Taking a deep breath, Harry continued.  "The ground was coming up fast. There were two of those human animals you warned me about, directly below me.  I tried to let them know I was dropping by, but I guess they don't speak spider.  Anyway, down I came and landed, KER-PLUNK, right on top of one of them."

Harry shuddered as he remembered the horror of what happened next.  "Well," he said, "that is when all hell broke loose!" The one I landed on wasn't very nice.  It started making all kinds of noise (most of which, I am sure, started with their "F" sound). It was jumping around like a tree branch in a wind storm.  It was screaming so loud that I thought my head would burst.  Suddenly, a part of it flew off (the part I was clinging to) and so did I.  By the way, Ma, did you know that they could shed their skins.  Freaky, huh!  Anyway, I landed in a puddle of mud and tried to scurry off.  That is when I found that legs number two and four weren't working so well.  I haven't a clue why, but the second human was jumping and screaming too.  It almost stepped on me.  I didn't even come near it at all, honest Ma!  I crawled into a nearby dirty, stinky hole and rested up during the day."

With a dazed look still in his eyes, Harry continued, "I couldn't sleep because of all of the humans walking by, so the next night I started limping my way home.  Every time I saw a human I had to duck into another hiding place.  I was so terrified that I am sure that I lost some of my hair (as he said this he ran one of his working legs across a part of his abdomen to smooth down some of the remaining rumpled hairs).  I was almost home when I heard a sound that curdled my blood; I do have blood don't I Ma?  You DID neglect to tell me that I didn't have a para-shoot like the other spider!"

Mother just gave Harry one of her, get on with it, looks and Harry said, "Oh, Yeah, back to the sound."

After taking another deep breath Harry went on, "It was that same human walking down the path.  I froze in abject terror of being found by this fierce creature.  It picked up a rock on the path and flung it into the bush I was hiding behind.  How it knew I was there I do not know.  The rock hit me squarely on the head and bent my mandible.  I may never be able to eat again!" 

Mother spider just stared at her teenage son, and said "What doesn't kill you just makes you stronger!"  Then she walked off shaking her head uttering, "Give me strength!"

Harry followed her spouting phrases like, "Ma, can we move? It's dangerous here!"  "I'm never leaving your side again!"

After Harry's last remark you could faintly hear Mother spider say, "Well, Sh_ _!"

kt 2010