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Sunday, August 29, 2010

#22 THINGS I HAVE LEARNED (THE HARD WAY )

Originally I started out hoping I could of think of ten STUPID things I have done during my lifetime.  Unfortunately, these twenty are just the tip of the iceberg!

  1.   Don’t step up on a tall step when you have to pee. 
  2.   Check out which way the staples come out of a staple gun before
        you use it (or you can staple your work glove to your palm = 
        future blog).
  3.   Don’t carry a ladder through a room with a ceiling fan (at least not upright).
  4.   Don’t try to fry eggs on your glass stove top.
  5.   Speaking of eggs.  Don’t boil eggs in the microwave, either.
  6.   Don’t touch the drill bit right after you use it (unless you like pain).
  7.   Circular saws can cut through sawhorses (and lots of other GOOD stuff). 
  8.   Lawnmowers can throw a rock against a tree so hard that the rock can ricochet off
        (and hit you in the head). 
  9.   But, even more important, lawnmower blades can chop up grass shears 
        (and shoot them out the side as lethal projectiles - just ask my cat).
10.  A tarantula bite feels like a bee sting (and visa versa).
11.  Metal canoes can be bent in half (try not to be in them when they do).
12.  Don’t make a swimsuit out of terry cloth (think about it).
13.  Gasoline vapor ignites, (in a big flash) not the liquid gas.
14.  Eyebrows can be burned off by ignited gasoline vapor.
15.  You can’t paper train a male dog, (unless you, also, hang a paper on the wall).
16.  And while I am on the subject of pets, no matter how hard you try you can't get a cat to
       blow its nose.
17.  Copper bottom pans can melt off onto the burner (if you get them hot enough).
18.  Also, skillets are no good after they catch on fire (at least they stick like crazy).
19.  Paper plates don’t fare well in the dishwasher (they kind of clog up the works).

20.  Don’t stand on the front porch and watch electricity, from lightening, travel up 
        the wet sidewalk toward you (unless you want an electrifying experience).

Yes!  I have first hand experience with EVERY one.

kt 2010




3 comments:

  1. Great piece. I can relate to most of them EXCEPT the tarantula bite! You've got to be kidding!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nope! Tried to train one for handling in my classroom. He (well, I think it was a he) bit me four times. Number four was his ticket back to the wild.

    You mean you know someone else who stapled a glove to their hand?
    (I'm talkin heavy duty carpenter stapler)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow! You are accident prone, but maybe it is all that home improvement. If you were lazy and cheap like me you would only have to worry about duct tape injuries!

    ReplyDelete