Monday, October 17, 2011


Not exactly nice hard wood floors hiding under the linoleum.
Well, guys, I finally mustered  up the courage to finish the floor of the half bath.  Knowing my penchant for disaster I approach every major project with trepidation.  It has only been about 18 months since I glued my foot to the floor in there (when putting up a backsplash by the sink).  Thinking that the bad mojo must be gone by now I tackled my new project.

The first indication of trouble was when I brought the necessary tools into the house.  As I was entering the bathroom with the sander and electric screwdriver in my hands, my cat, Kit, was turning the corner from the kitchen.  She was heading for the back door.  When she looked up and saw me with the two items, she glared at me, growled (yes she growls when she's mad) and darted away into the house.  You see she has been attacked by a run away sander and elect. screwdriver during two different projects of mine (see Kit #1 below).

Ignoring the omen her attitude may have been issuing, I merrily went about the business of preparing the bathroom floor for its new covering.  About two years ago I purchased numerous square linoleum tiles to put down (thinking they would be easier than trying to cut a pattern and lay down a single piece).  However, before I could put the tiles down I had to sand the floor since the IDIOT (no, not me) who put the last linoleum down apparently meant it to stay there forever and must have used super glue.  When I took up the old stuff it left an uneven surface.
Toby is johnny on the spot, ready to help!
The little "THIEF" IN ACTION!
Armed with two different sanders (one for corners and edges) I attacked the floor with gusto.  I had on goggles and a dust mask to assure that I would not be injured or cough up sawdust balls.  Now, my dog, Toby, had been coming by the door occasionally to check on what I was doing.  When he saw me in the mask and goggles he went nuts.  No, he didn't bark and challenge me, he saw this as my invitation to play.  There I am down on my knees, trying to do my job and this goofy dog was pulling at my mask and goggles, jumping over me, and pouncing on my behind.  So, I had to get up and take the things off to put Toby outside.  That is when he jumped up and closed the door.  Wham!  I couldn't believe he shut the door before I could go out of it.  (Yes, I have been teaching him to shut doors, but, not to shut them to block my exit, surely that was not what he was trying to do....or was it?).

I tossed Toby out and finished the sanding in one day.  However, I failed to realize that this fine saw dust was going to be everywhere and it took me another day to clean up the bathroom, every bottle and shelf in the bathroom, the hall beyond the bathroom, and my bedroom.

The next day 8/16, I got the tile out, the pair of heavy duty scissors and my brand new, handy-dandy. box cutter (underlining is my attempt at foreshadowing).  I carefully measured and placed the first two tiles.  No major accidents so far.  Phew......The next row required some cutting so I zipped out the blade of my handy-dandy, new, box cutter.  I made the cuts on two tiles and they fit perfectly.  Placing the box cutter on the floor I scooted my behind back to start the next row (I don't get up and down to easily, so scooting was the only option).  As I quickly moved my right hand back for the next scoot it (or rather my pinkie) brushed up against the blade of my handy-dandy, new, box cutter.  I yelped and look down to see blood dripping profusely from my pinkie.  Who would have thought that a person could bleed to death from a pinkie cut?

After I bled all over the bathroom floor, the kitchen floor, the kitchen table and the first aide kit I managed to stem the flow and get a band-aide on.   I wisely decided to use scissors from this point on.

In order to make some of the cuts in the squares I had to make patterns out of typing paper (which meant that I had to tape several pages together).  So I jumped up slowly and awkwardly pushed up off the floor and trudged to the office to get the paper and tape.  Once back down on the floor I made the paper square and then fit it and marked how it should be cut.  Looking around, I said aloud, "And, where, exactly are the scissors, you twit?"  I also answered myself aloud, (the sign of insanity....right....talking to ones self and then answering), "Yes, of course, they're where you left them when you fetched the paper and tape IN THE OFFICE!"  I struggled to get up again and retrieved my scissors (unfortunately, this became the major theme for the rest of the day).

The only other problems I had was stepping on a turned up piece of linoleum and having to unstick it from my foot; then cutting one piece wrong and having to sweat out the possibility that I wouldn't have enough tile.  Oh, yeah, I forgot;  while walking out the door to the kitchen I stepped on a piece of paper backing laying on the linoleum floor in the hall and landed with an earth shattering thud on my rump (no damage done to the floor, but my rump has seen better more ways than one).
At least I didn't stick it to the bedroom rug
 (well, this one I didn't).

I managed to finish the floor before dinner.  It doesn't look bad but was harder than I thought it would be.  Now, I only have to buy the quarter round and cut it, (Ohhhh, mannnnn, the potential there is frightening) paint it, and nail it to the floor.  Once that is finished I will need to paint the door into the kitchen and I will FINALLY be finished.

I say FINALLY because I started this project five years ago when I ripped out the floor covering and sink, replaced the sink with a better one (I had a plumber hooked it up because I haven't mastered plumbing, as yet)  put up a new ceiling light (Yes, I have tempted fate by messing with electricity.  Nothing shocking to talk about, again, as yet) glued a hugh mirror to the wall (and framed it), put up back splash, painted, and, now I just put down new floor covering.  Ok, so, that's a long time, but, since I was the major contractor on the job I am not complaining..............

Da-Ta-Da-Da!     kt 8/17/2011
KIT #1:   Ok, I was redesigned the brackets for a wooden rail to go across in front of the bathtub in Dad's bathroom (to eliminate the possibility of him falling into the tub, again). This required using the circular saw and jigsaw again (which, with me, is an accident waiting to happen). However, both cuts went off without a hitch. It was when I had to use the sander that things got interesting. 
Apparently, I had left the sander on the last time I used it and just flipped the switch to the plug. So, when I plugged it into a different outlet it jumped off the sawhorse shelf and raced across the garage floor….. TOWARD THE CAT (who was lounging on the cement floor watching the Karen show)! I don’t know how she did it, but somehow she sprung off the floor, spun around in mid air and almost left skid marks leaving the area. I stood there watching the CATastrophe unfold. I had started to laugh when the sander came to the end of its tether, jerked, and started back in my direction. Oh, _______!  After coaxing my eyebrows down off the ceiling I managed to pull the plug on the errant sander. The cat is nowhere to be found.

KIT #2:  And, I just posted the screwdriver etc. episode on 8/22/11


  1. ha,ha, I knew I had a twin sister out there somewhere. What a morning giggle you have given me. I must relate this to my friend Jenny when we go for coffee today. Have you ever thought of going onstage as a standup comic. I think you would make tons of money just talking about your adventures around the house.
    Have a great day :)

  2. That floor looks beautiful! Good job Karen - I wish I had your drive to do things. I'm just too lazy and unimaginative!

  3. I used to wish you lived closer, but the more I read--the better I feel about our distance! LOL.
    Just kidding. The floor is beautiful!

  4. It looks amazing. You sound so much like me. I cut my thumb in half on a table saw once.

  5. Great job! I would never think of tackling something like that. You should be proud of yourself.

  6. The floor looks great!! I could never do something like that! Especially after the road bumps!

  7. Apparently, if you alert the paramedics in advance that you are about to start a project you won't need them.

    Funny fishducky injury story: Many years aggo, my husband & I went to his sister's house on a Sunday night to play bridge. While there, I somehow fell or rammed my foot into something--I don't remember which--& badly broke a toe. I didn't want to go to the ER since I could see my own doctor the next day, so my brother in law, who was a veterinarian, bandaged it (quite heavily) for me. The next day my doctor looked at my foot & said, "Who the hell taped that up for you? It looks like a hoof!" I said, "Funny you should mention that.........."

  8. Hey that looks pretty awesome from here. Come on over and do my bathroom. I'll keep you for five years. Bring Toby. He can help. :)

  9. lol In another life time I am now positive you were my mother or something. We are way to much alike. haha

  10. What a remarkably capable woman you are! I could never, ever have tackled all these jobs or used all those tools! The finished floor looks really great!

  11. Oh, btw, it has been super to see Toby. He is looking as beautiful as ever and seems to be as much of a natural comedian as his mother!