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Saturday, July 31, 2010

#47- DENIAL (reprint of #s 6, 7, & 8)

THIS IS ONE OF MY FIRST POSTS.  IT IS A LONG ONE, SO STAY WITH ME.  IT IS 100% TRUE.


          Ok, so there I stood with my left foot in the bathroom sink, washing the mud off.  I had been doing some light gardening in the front flowerbed and since I wasn't finished I didn't want to take a shower yet.
          It didn't take much of an effort to get my foot up there after some minor (OK, MAJOR) assistance from my right and left hands.  The problem became most evident when I tried to lift my foot out.  It had easily slipped down into the bowl when I releassed it.  But coming back up out of the bowl was another thing altogether (or so I found).
          I lifted and twisted, leaned and pulled, but my foot would not clear the rim of the bowl.  I stood there for a few seconds assessing the problem and contemplating possible solutions.
         1.   If I called (or rather yelled) to my dad, he probably wouldn't hear me.  If he did hear me he would simply answer, "WHAT?" each time I called.  And even if he did finally figure out that I needed him, how on earth would a 98 year old man be of any help?  The first thing he would do is laugh (I know he would). If he did try to  help, both of us would probably end up in a pile on the floor.  No, this won't do.  Must come up with other alternatives.
          2.   I could call 911.   Instead of saying, "I've fallen and I can't get up," I could tell them that I am a 68 year old woman with delusions of flexibility who has her foot in a bathroom sink and can't get it out.
          Nope...won't work because there isn't a phone in the bathroom.  Besides I can see the headlines now, "A NEW ONE FOR THE ANNALS".  Lamar Emergency Management team responded yesterday to the home of Karen Taylor, age 68.  When the team arrived they found Ms. Taylor standing on her right leg in the half bath of the home.  Apparently, she could not extricate her left foot from the basin.   Her father was standing near by, grasping his walker and shuttering with laughter.  When asked how this happened Ms. Taylor responded, "I was abducted by aliens and this is where they returned me!"   Well, scratch that idea.
           3.  Can't call my son for the same reasons as stated above (no phone in the bathroom and the peals of laughter which would be emanating from BOTH my son and father).
That leaves me with using my own wits (now there is a sacry thought).  It was these very WITS that put me in this predicament in the first place.  But, I went to work on a solution anyway.
          4.  Couldn't lean back onto the wall behind me because it was too far away.  I might slip and fall.  This idea will be placed in reserve as my last desperate plan.  If I did slip and fall to the floor then I could crawl to the phone, call 911 and do the, "I've fallen ... ...," routine.
          5. I could try to crawl up onto the sink and then maneuver myself back down.  No, a broken neck is not an option, not to mention HOW ON EARTH was I going to accomplish that feat?
          6. I could just sit down and my leg (and foot) would follow.  Ahhh, mannnnn! That would hurt!  No way... ...  this is right up there with #4...........keep thinking.
          7. Finally, I eyed the toilet stool.  If I put down the lid, and somehow stretched and stepped up onto it with my right leg I could simply step down with my left, then right leg.   Visions of the splits, pulled down cabinets, and my damaged body lying on the floor stopped that insanity.
          8. Then suddenly, I got the idea to just lay my trousseau down onto the toilet and ease my foot an leg from their source of pain.  IT WORKED!  Not only that, my face being in close proximity with the toilet bowl alerted me to the fact that it needed to be cleaned, and SOON!
          The sad part is that I learned NOTHING from this fiasco.  I quickly put my right foot in the bowl (since I already knew the escape plan).  I  was not going to let this small insignificant incident get the upper hand on me.  I washed my right foot, extricated it easily (without all the previous drama).  Then I sat down to consider what this all meant.  I know it has something to do with DENIAL.
          Yes, I am getting older and the things I used to do as a kid are no longer possible.  Yes, I should have opted to go into the other bathroom and wash my feet in the tub.  Yes, the sink was a dumb idea. And, yes my back and legs are aching right now.  So, if I agree with all of these comments how can I be in denial?
          Easy, I did it without thinking in the first place.  Then I did it again... If that's not denial than I don't know what is.  So what am I going to do now?  Clean the toilet, of course.  Maybe if the toilet is clean I could use it to wash my feet....................Nawh!

kt 2010

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