#200- SHOOTS AND LADDERS

Somewhere around the summer of 2003 I was doing something in the backyard at my grandson’s home.  I heard a crash, then “Awhhh, Mannnn!” and then some grumbling.  A few minutes later I heard the same thing again.  I searched out the source of the commotion and found my grandson, Gene, amidst a pile of rubble (tires, wood, boxes, etc).  When questioned he told me he was trying to build a club house.  To which I said, “Honey, Memaw will build you a club house!  Now, get out of this stuff before hurt yourself.”

AND THIS STARTED THE EPIC 'BUILDING OF THE PLAYHOUSE' SAGA.

I couldn't find plans for a small playhouse or fort so I purchased plans for a small storage shed (6ft X 6ft X 8ft).  Undaunted by the apparent enormity of the project I had chosen, I launched myself into it with my usual gusto.  It took me until November of that year to finish it.  And, it did give me a number of experiences I will never forget. 

Today, I will tell you something I learned about attaching siding to a building [I have already told you about stapling my glove to my hand during this project...see #38 aka 

FRIDAY FLASHBACK = "WHAT A MAROON" (MORON)!].

When screwing siding on to the side of this shed I experienced a problem.   As the screw went in the siding pulled away from the studs.  I could not seem to keep this from happening unless I drilled a hole first.  I saw what kind of time that was going to take so I opted for another way (a gigantic mistake).

This is a picture of the clubhouse as it stands today.

With my ladder (see picture, above) sitting parallel to the wall I was able to put my foot up onto the offending siding.  As the next screw went in the siding started to pull away again.   I simply applied pressure and pushed with my foot to keep it fast.  It was simple all right...SIMPLE MINDED!

As I pushed with my foot my ladder SHOOTS away from the wall leaving me suspended in mid-air (Ok, the word should have been shot not shoots, but I wanted two shoots to go with the title).   I yelled,  "SHOOT!" (that is a substitute for what I actually yelled which also starts with an S= and fulfills the criteria for the second shoot).

"SHIT!   (woops) SHOOT!"

It all seemed to happen in slow motion.  Down I floated, with the electric screwdriver still (SEE COMMENT BELOW)

squealing in my hand.  I clutched that screwdriver for dear life as if it was going to belay my fall.  The potential of major pain looming in my near future, played out  before my eyes.  Luckily, the screwdriver turned off the minute the slow motion stopped and my body crashed to the ground.  Later, I found it hanging over a fence several feet away.

I lay there for a while taking time to assess the situation.  The ladder was lying on its side, but I wasn't!  I was lying on my back looking up at a dreary November sky and mentally searching my body for the injuries I was sure I had just sustained.  I was also searching for my breath, which had escaped into that dreary sky.  Underneath me was the damp soft ground, which, I'm sure, was sporting an indentation the same size and shape of my body.  Feeling no particular pain and seeing no angels floating by, I decided that I was OK and got up.  Not only that, I finished the siding that night.  


(AWH, MANNNNNN!  I didn't work a second ladder into the story so the title would fit.
So, just pretend that I got another ladder to finish the work.)

That is why, when I write THINGS I LEARNED THE HARD WAY part 2,  Number one on the list will be:  Never put your foot up on the side of a building while standing on a ladder!   (See #22-FRIDAY'S FLASHBACKS - Things I learned the hard way part 1).
  

 (COMMENT:  I tried to fix this paragraph 4 times and got no where so the heck with it.  It is those darned poltergeists again!)                                                         

SEE YOU NEXT MONDAY......... FOR "BOO AND BUG-A-BOO"kt 7/2011

                                                                 

#38- "WHAT A MAROON" (MORON)!

Wrong hand but I wanted to

give you a hint. 

In order to understand the title you
MUST view this clip.

                              

What’s wrong with a world in which even staple guns are can’t be standardized?  Isn’t it bad enough that every cell phone requires a different charger, that different computer stuff is made to be incompatible….I had better stop here because this list can go on for days!  So, back to the staple gun….

In the early 2000s I was  finishing up a clubhouse I built for my grandson.  It was a large 8 x 8 construction (mostly because I could only find plans for a storage shed) and I was feverously (actually I was freezing because it was November) working to finish the inside, and it was my FIRST construction job, ever!

Since I wanted him to be able to heat the place with a small space heater and I was installing insulation in the walls.  I had left my staple gun at home and so I borrowed my son’s. 

Loaded and ready to go I put up a roll, held it at the top [high over my head], and placed the staple gun onto the paper.  (So far, so good)  I pulled the trigger and nothing happened.  Well, I mean there wasn’t a staple where I expected one to be.

Now, had I been paying attention I would have noticed a slight pinging sound on the opposite side of the room.  But, I didn’t hear the sound.  I checked the chamber where the staples belonged and, yep, it was full.

I decided that the problem was that I was trying to pop a staple with the gun above my head.  Therefore, I retrieved a ladder and tried the maneuver again.  Only, this time, to be sure, I placed the palm of my left hand on the back of the gun to hold it firmly in place.  I pulled the trigger and, this time, SOMETHING HAPPENED!

To my surprise, I realized that I had just stapled my glove to the palm of my left hand (not a good thing).  For a second I just stood there, frozen, on the ladder, looking at the staple embedded in my glove.  I fleetingly thought to my self, “Oh, Mannnnnn!  This is going to hurt,” and then it did!

I don’t know why I was so surprised.  This wasn’t the first DUMB THING I did on this project [or in my life = see #22, oh heck see most of my blogs].  So, I gingerly pulled the staple from my glove, pulled my glove from my hand, and looked at my handiwork.

After a short first aid break (yes, because of my propensity for small accidents, I am always prepared) I went back to finish the job.

There will probably be another blog highlighting other incidents with this particular project, as there were several.  As Bugs Bunny used to say, “WHAT A MAROON!”

kt 11/7/10

#23-A STICKY SITUATION

 I just completed another home project.  I am glad to say that it went smoothly (and, this time, my cat was unharmed).  On this project I had to cut, trim and fit a back splash above and beside the sink in my bathroom.  There is always the potential for mishaps since I was using sharp tools.  But nothing was pierced, slashed, or severed.

     Working with quick drying adhesive was daunting but everything went off without a hitch UNTIL I STEPPED INTO A GLOB OF GLUE that had dropped from my carelessly placed adhesive gun.

     Since I was wearing sox (and no shoes) I didn’t notice my impending dilemma.   I stood there for a few minutes holding up a panel with each arm, until the adhesive set (key word).   It didn’t take long.  When I started to move my foot I noticed a slight (ok, big) problem.  My left foot was glued into place.

     The adhesive had leached through my sock and glued my sock and (more importantly) my left foot to the floor. 

     I hadn’t put newspapers down because the floor was bare, since I removed the linoleum to put down new floor covering (ahhh, another project in my future).  Hence, I wasn’t going  anywhere, soon.

     My cell phone was setting on the tank of the toilet and I could have called 911, but I could imagine their response:

           Dispatch:          “Dispatch to EMT 1”

              EMT 1:          “Hey, Flo, whatcha got?”

          Dispatch:          “It’s Ms. T, again!”

              EMT 1:          “What'd she do this time?”

          Dispatch:         “Glued her foot to the floor!”

             EMT 1:                  (a chorus of laughter)

         Dispatch:          “Otis, your mike is still open.”

             EMT 1:          “Sorry, (chuckle) we’ll get right over there (chuckle)”.

      No, way was I calling 911!     

     It took some contortions to reach the finger polish remover in the cupboard over the toilet, (fortunately I have practiced contortions in my bathroom before see #47) and a whole bottle of remover to extricate the sock from the floor (and my foot).  Now there’s nice clean shiny place on the ball of my foot.  I guess I sucked all the poison out of it like that stuff advertised on TV.  Maybe I should do the whole foot (or both feet).  Better yet, maybe I should market it.

kt 2010 

#12-15- A BATHTUB ADVENTURE

This was originally posted in 4 parts back in August under AS A RESULT OF DAD'S BATHTUB ADVENTURE (# 12-15). I had originally posted it in July with daily short quips on my face book (as presented here).  That is when my daughter, Patty, decided that I needed to start a blog. AND HERE I AM! 

My father is 99 and he had an accident last week. It seems that he fell butt first into the tub while trying to pull his pants up. He wasn’t hurt, but I had to call 911 for help getting him out of the bathtub. So, I have been trying to design a way to put a removable handrail across the opening to the tub.

BLOW-BY-BLOW day 1: The first problem I encountered was, "How am I going to fasten the end of the pole to the walls?" The guy at the lumber yard sold me 2 wide L brackets. Didn't take this lady long to realize that if I screwed the brackets to the wall and the pole to the brackets; then I would have to crawl over or under to take a bath. NOPE that's a deal breaker.

BLOW-BY-BLOW day 2: Well, I cut the wood pieces yesterday and only dropped the circular saw once (a personal best for me), Then I jigged U slots in the top of each board. Is till have all my fingers so will consider it a success. Next, I painted the side of each board and the railing. By this time it was afternoon and sweat was dripping off my nose onto the boards. Time to quit!

BLOW-BY-BLOW day 3: Ok, I now have both sides of the boards and the bottom of the railing painted. Only knocked over the paint can once and dropped the paintbrush twice. In typical Karen style it would be easier to describe where I didn’t get paint on myself; lets just say I now have a basecoat most everywhere! Once I sand the ants off tomorrow, I should be able to put the finish coat on.

BLOW-BY-BLOW day 4:   Ran into a snag today…My stud finder isn’t working…no surprise to me….mine hasn’t been working for years!

BLOW-BY-BLOW day 5:  I put the final coat of spray paint on the boards and rail

(only spraying the cat, slightly). And I’ll be right back right after an announcement from our sponsors……CpC (cats protecting cats).  Buy this special outfit to protect your cat from

unnecessary spray painting accidents….$40.00 all profits go to the cats in West Africa.

BLOW-BY-BLOW day 6:   I would start off with CUSS words but I don’t want to offend anyone (so I am saying them out loud as I type). I finally got the stud finder to work (need new batteries – don’t we all). I searched for 20 minutes only to find that nearby studs were 6 inches away from where I needed to anchor the boards. BACK TO THE (MacGyver) DRAWING BOARD!

BLOW-BY-BLOW day 7: Ok, I redesigned the rail brackets. This required using the circular saw and jigsaw again (which, with me, is an accident waiting to happen). However, both cuts went off without a hitch. It was when I had to use the sander that things got interesting. Apparently, I had left the sander on the last time I used it and just pulled the plug. So when I plugged it into a different outlet it jumped off the sawhorse shelf and raced across the garage floor…..toward the cat (who was lounging on the cement floor watching the "Karen" show)! I don’t know how she did it, but somehow she sprung off the floor, spun around in mid air and almost left skid marks leaving the area. I stood there watching the CATastrophe unfold. I had started to laugh when the sander came to the end of its tether, jerked and started back in my direction. Oh, S#@%! After coaxing my eyebrows down off the ceiling I managed to pull the plug on the errant sander. The cat is nowhere to be found.

BLOW-BY-BLOW day 8:  Yeah!  I found the studs, drilled holes in the NEW boards (and the saw horses holding them).  By the way, did you know that if you put a board on a cement floor to drill it and, WELL....... accidentally drill through the board to the cement and, WELL...... the drill bit gets so hot it melts?  Just thought I'd mention this just in case someone (not me) might do that.

BLOW-BY-BLOW day 9 : I drilled holes (and only 3 too many) in the walls at each end of the tub where the studs are, (I love that word) and screwed the boards to the walls (only loosing 1 screw down the drain).  Now, to test my invention I only have to slip the rail into the U slots.  

BLOW-BY-BLOW day 10 (the finale):  Once again an old adage bears true.  "Necessity is the mother of invention. " We now have a sturdy, fully functioning (removable) handrail across the tub opening.  Am I great or what!  Of course, the fact that it doesn't look like a professional job does not spoil the victory!!!!!

WAIT

FOR

IT

FINALLY FINISHED!

THIS IS A TRUE STORY, EXCEPT FOR THE PICTURE OF COURSE.

kt2010