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Monday, June 20, 2011

#194-HOW AM I DOING? YOU TELL ME!

So many of my friends have asked me how I am doing.  I would like to say that thing have reached to point of peaceful coexistence, but things around here are anything but peaceful.

My granddaughter pulls her weight, maybe one day a week.  My great grandkids are like trying to cage a bunch of drunken monkeys.  Toby is a wild man who has learned to extort treats by stealing items and holding on to them ransom until I offer him a treat to give the item to me.  My father sleeps through just about everything (after all he is almost deaf) and when not sleeping laughs (or shakes his head) at all of the antics going on around him .

Here are some things I have said to my youngest great grandchildren (ages 4 and 5)...   (I will use numbers for the great grandchildren to protect the names of the... ahhhhh... .. ...INNOCENT?):

Number 3 son.
Number 4 son.











"#4, take the kitten out of your pants!"

"Yes, #4, I am taking a nap.  Now put my sleeping mask back down."

"#3,  do not hold the ferret by the tail.

To #3, "HE WHAT!  #4 WHY DID YOU PEE ON YOUR BROTHER?

"#3,  if you want to learn a great way to use duct tape, keep talking that way!"

(Thirty minutes after bedtime) "#3 and #4,  the one who is caught horsing around gets to sleep with grandma!"  (dead silence, quickly followed by sleep -  I have used this one frequently)

"#1 through #4, " if I hear the word 'fart' one more time I am going to make you all drink this yucky green stuff to make sure you can't make any!" (as I was holding up a large green bottle of malox)

To #4: "He kicked you in the package?  So, where exactly is this package?" (Picture a 4 year old concentrating and frowning as he considers his answer.) 

To #3: "So, who cares if #4 is staring at you!"

(fight between #3 and #4).  "Ok, guys.  You both got exactly the same toy from McDonalds.  How on earth can you be fighting over which one belongs to who?"

"Yuck, #4, do not kiss the ferret on the mouth....or the mice, or the kitten (oh, forgot to tell you, they now have a kitten), or Toby for that matter."

"#3 and #4, no you can not keep roly-poly bugs as pets. "

To #3 and #4:  "That's not my job.  Get your mother out of bed and make her do it!"



Here are a few sentences I have YELLED at my granddaughter:


(Just today) "LEEEEAAAANNAAAAAAAA!  Please be more careful.  The noodles you poured down the sink drain has stopped the whole thing up.  (She actually tried to convenience me  that she put them down the disposal; even though  I pulled a fist full of whole noodles out of the sink side and the entire drain is stopped up!)

"LEEEEAAAANNAAAAAAAA!  #4 son is taking apart my new vacuum sweeper!" (he's 4)

"LEEEEAAAANNAAAAAAAA!  Your ferret is pooping on the door threshold!"

"LEEEEAAAANNAAAAAAAA!  Where is the mouse that WAS in THAT cage?"

"LEEEEAAAANNAAAAAAAA!  Feed your children."

("SPLASH") "LEEEEAAAANNAAAAAAAA!  For the 10th time one of the boys did not put the toilet seat down!"

"LEEEEAAAANNAAAAAAAA!  The kids didn't turn off the water out back!  THERE IS A FOOT OF WATER UNDERNEATH THE HOUSE!"  (apparently it was on for a couple of days and took us two hours to pump it out)


"LEEEEAAAANNAAAAAAAA!  Your cheese, in the refrigerator, is growing hair!"


"LEEEEAAAANNAAAAAAAA!  Wash these damn darned dishes and clean up that room!"


"LEEEEAAAANNAAAAAAAA!  I just stepped in jello!" (Better than stepping in ferret poop!  How do you think I found out it had pooped on the threshold to their rooms?).


"LEEEEAAAANNAAAAAAAA!  Someone left the garage door up and Toby got out!"


"LEEEEAAAANNAAAAAAAA!  Someone left the gate open and Toby got out!"


"LEEEEAAAANNAAAAAAAA!  One of your kids is blowing soap bubbles in MY front room!"


(After seeing something rapidl shoot by the window) "LEEEEAAAANNAAAAAAAA! 
 #2 son is shoving #3 son down the handicap ramp, out front, 
in MY FATHER'S NEW WHEEL CHAIR!"

100% TRUE, and this is just the last ten days!


kt 6/14/11














14 comments:

  1. Oh, Karen! Apart from the fact that your telling of all of this is so jolly funny, I have to say I honestly don't know how you're managing to remain sane at all! If this were a series on TV, I know you'd be laughing, too...but this is your life! It's just not fair or right that you should be handling this on a day to day basis, in your 70s! Good heavens, I'm only 56 and I know I would have run away from home long ago if this were my situation.

    Again, I honestly don't know HOW you are managing to get through each day, let alone each week and already becoming months, now! This can't be the only solution, surely? It' so UNFAIR that your family have conveniently accepted that YOU will take care of this 'problem set of circumstances, while they're getting off, presumably Scott-free...and you're taking all the strain!

    At the VERY LEAST, your granddaughter should be bending over backwards to pull her weight! This is HER responsibility, not yours. Someone needs to make her understand that and SOON!

    I hope you don't think I've spoken out of turn here, but I really do think someone needs to point out to you that this is not your problem! You can help out, but being taken for granted by everyone else, just because Mum/Gran/Great Gran is so jolly kind and giving...that's just NOT right!

    I don't know what the solution is, but I do know that a lot more needs to be done by everyone else to take the strain off you...and Granddaughter should be ashamed of herself for not pulling her weight! I think you need to hold a family conference and spell out exactly how things should work from now on, with everyone else taking turns...otherwise you are going to pop a blood vessel or something!

    BIG HUG,
    Des xoxoxo

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  2. Read your comment on my blog...obviously did not publish it ;) I wish there were a way out of or through this for you, Karen! It sounds even more intolerable the more I hear. All I am able to offer is a cyber hug!!!

    Would counselling not help? L really does need to take stock of her life!

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  3. You have GG kids? I don't even have GK's yet. You are sooo lucky.

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  4. What's the old cliche I'm trying to remember? Oh, yeah, it's SOMEDAY YOU'LL LAUGH ABOUT ALL THIS! Obviously, not today for you--but you certainly made me laugh! Good luck on living through it!!

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  5. HUGS! You have far more patience than I!

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  6. Oh my goodness. I agree with Madeline. You need hugs.
    Love. Please stop by when you get a half a minute for your award.

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  7. Dear lord woman! I'm with Desiree! I suggest a blow dart gun. No not on the kids but right in your GD's butt when she is laying down and letting them tear the joint up. They are boys. They are gonna get into stuff. That is why they have a mother. Just saying. Remember the duct tape trick. It is awsome!

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  8. I know you already have this award for last year, but this is this year. Thanks for stopping by and I appreciate your kind comment!

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  9. I don't know what to tell you. I really feel for you. Your grandaughter should be taking care of the kids, not you. She's behaving totally irresponsible and disrespectful. Shameful. It's easy to get sick when all of this wears you out. Take care.

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  10. If Leanna gets home by midnight - tell her she can sleep till 8 and then she's on duty - take the kids to a playground (at a school or park), go for a walk, bake cookies with them, CLEAN, go to the library - join a book group for little ones and check out books that she'll actually read with them, and check out any free things going on for kids.

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  11. This is too funny! Kids can be a handful.

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  12. I agree with Desiree. You were a single mom. I am a single mom with a disabled son and I don't go around sucking the will out of my relatives. She should be able to get her own place by now. There are all sorts of places to rent based on income- that is what I live in. If she can't get a different shift, then it would be better to keep them on the nights she works and have her pick them up when she gets out of work. Then, if she needs sleep and they aren't in school, she can take them to a daycare for a few hours while she sleeps. I used to work as a nurse and had to do it. Also, just my opinion, but someone that can't get their own life together long enough to manage their own kids definitely doens't need all those pets. Just more chaos on the BS pie. You are a far better person than me. My kids aren't even close to having children of their own and I still remind them all the time that not only do I have no desire to be a grandmother, but I am certain my declining mental state will exclude me from providing child care. Hugs to you.

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  13. Oh Karen! You made a funny post out of disaster. I do hope your granddaughter will start taking responsibility. I'm sending lots of hugs and prayers your way. (And, if nothing else, you'll have plenty of blog material! LOL!)

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  14. Your posts are delightful, full of humor and wisdom. I can't remember how I found you now, I've slept since then but so glad I did.

    My sister was the main care giver for our father with Alztheimer's for years. It is an indescribly hard job and noone has any idea unless they have done it. My other sister and I helped but the most of left for one. I admire that you can do it.

    Humor is the key to survival...amd you do that so eloquently. Thank you.

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